Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I haven't posted on here in a long time. I guess I kind of lost the motivation and didn't see much of a point... even though I do miss the blogger support that used to help keep me accountable.  :-(

I've been back on the wagon again and as always I say that this will be THE time I really stick with it.

It's late and I need to go to sleep. Maybe I'll actually update for real tomorrow, but for now I'll just say... that I'm still here.  I may not succeed often, but at least I'm constantly trying and never giving up. 

I'll figure it out one day.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

At least there has been some progress....

So, it's like a year later and I'm only a few pounds lighter, but today I realized at least there has been some unseen progress.

I started C25K again today. Week 1: Day 1. And...... it was a piece of freaking cake!!! First of all, I totally forgot how much I liked running. After how stressful my job is, it's nice to just crank up the music in my mp3 player and run the stress away. (However, I also forgot how much my left knee doesn't like running, but oh well). Second of all, I remember what it was like last year around this time when I was starting C25K for the first time ever... and It. Was. Rough. Seriously.  The first week is only 60 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking,... alternating for 20 minutes. Last year when I started I really couldn't make it through 2 full alternations! 60 seconds of running wore me out before. Now, it's obvious to me that though I haven't overall lost much weight... my heart at least has to be a little stronger than last year.

Good job, Heart! I promise... this year I am going to try to take even better care of you!

I've been somewhat down in the dumps this week, feeling blue, etc..... so I'm just hoping for a maintain really. Sometimes just getting by is hard enough. But it's a life-long journey, that's one thing I'm sure of. And tomorrow is another day. (Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.... cliche, cliche, cliche.)

Time to sleep.  :-)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


So, last week while watching The Biggest Loser, I was on the elliptical like I usually am and decided to stop looking at the clock and just keep going until I felt tired. I also decided to try it on a higher resistance than I normally do. Typically I stay around level 4 or 5. That time I decided to try it on level 8 or 9 since 4 isn't really that tough for me usually. About 45 minutes later... I had burned over 800 calories! This week I hopped on the elliptical again during the show and tried it on a high resistance again. This time I stayed on level 10 or 11 during the show and during commercial breaks I kicked it up to level 12. Then 55 minutes later... I learned that my elliptical can only count calories up to 3 digit numbers. It reached 999 calories and rolled right over 001. Kinda sad that I never got to see it say "1000" but still a really gratifying moment. So I did over 10 miles and almost an hour and burned over 1000 calories!!!

Still... something about this doesn't seem right. On the elliptical at the gym I could sometimes get it up to maybe 5 or 6 miles and maybe 500 calories or so burned, but then I'd be spent. So, how can I do so much more on this elliptical? At the gym I always hovered around level 3 or 4... never any higher because it was hard. So how can I do it at home on my elliptical at level 12? I figured it was just a slight difference between the machines, but seriously... to go from 30 minutes at level 4 at the gym to 55 minutes at level 12 at home? The logical assumption would be.... that I'm in better shape now and have more endurance. But that also doesn't seem right to me because I don't feel much different, but that has to be it. I guess it just kind of crept up on me because I didn't really feel like I was forcing myself.

I always told myself that if we had a treadmill or elliptical at home that it'd be easier to exercise and I'd do it so much more... though in the back of my mind I knew there was a chance that the machine would just become a clothes collector. However, I've actually done pretty well. I don't do as great as I should... but I always use the elliptical at least 2-3 times a week. I guess that's how things crept up on me. I can watch Biggest Loser and just not focus on the fact that I am exercising and it makes the time go by much faster. At the gym I am practically counting down the minutes until I can get off the ellipticals.

I know we all say "this is the time I'm going to do it" all the time... but this time I feel a little more than determined or upbeat about it. This time I feel angry. I am angry with myself for losing and re-gaining the same 10-15 pounds over and over again. I have stayed between 210-220 for the past year... and I'm over it! I haven't been below 212 in the past 9 years. By the end of May 2010 I plan to be at or below at least 211.

Gotta make it happen!

Saturday, April 24, 2010


This past week I worked really hard.... so I feel like I really earned and deserved the 2.4 pounds I lost this week.

Feeling motivated.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Well, this past week wasn't really a great one. I hurt my back on Tuesday so I didn't exercise much, and I ended up eating pizza on Tuesday too(I had weak moment) so in the end I didn't lose anything. However, at least I didn't gain either.

Looking forward to a big loss next week.  :-)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Check it out...

Over at Operation Size 8, she's giving away what looks to be like an awesome book! I've been dying for some new good reading material. Go check it out.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Getting (and trying to stay) Back on the Wagon.

Well, last friday I lost 2.4 pounds (220.8). Yay me! Didn't post the week before that either, but I lost 2 pounds that week. The sad part is that even with losing almost 5 pounds in the past 2 weeks... I still don't feel accomplished because I had gained like 5 pounds the week before that. Yup... in one week! Ridiculous! I believe it was because of a new birth control pill I was taking. I was working so hard the weeks before that and was only losing like 0.2 pounds. It was frustrating and that last week I barely exercised and went over my calories.... and the result was a 5.2 gain? No way. I know it wasn't mathematically possible. I'd would have to eat like 4500 calories every day for a week, and I know I didn't. So... I finally decided it was that pill and stopped taking it. The first 2 weeks off that pill and I have almost lost the weight that I gained on it. And I believe that last year when I was working really hard and only losing like 0.4 pounds each week... was also the time that the doctor tried to put me on that same brand of pill. So... at least now I know that one is DEFINITELY not for me.

So, anyway... moving on. Looking forward to being back on track. I really have to stick with it this time. I want to finally feel better about myself and I want to look GREAT in my wedding dress next year! 2007 was my highest weight... 257 pounds. I have fluctuated a lot over the last 2 and half years or so, but at least I never got back up to that. I think my highest since then has been 231. Not great, but at least I did manage to keep some weight off overall. I gained 11 pounds after my surgery in January this year, so that sucked. But, now I really want to get everything off... and hope to be down to about 165 around my wedding. My fiance is also trying to lose some weight. He's having a harder time with it than I am right now (though for some reason this week has been a REAL struggle for me). When he actually sticks with it, he loses big numbers each week. However, sticking with it and counting his calories and working out are all things he doesn't like do (but then again, who does?) Hopefully we can do it together and motivate each other. I want us to be one good looking, healthy pair in our wedding pictures! And I want us to be healthy active parents when we have children.

In other news: I start C25K again this weekend. I'm scared! I never finished it last time I started... I made it to about week 5 and couldn't get past that. I had hoped to be a little lighter when I started this time, but obviously that didn't work out. Oh, well. We are doing another 5K in June this year (same one we did in June of last year) and I hope to be able to beat my time by a few minutes, and be able to run most of it. Anybody else out there actually finished C25K? Any girls that are still chubby? Sometimes I feel like I will never be able to finish it until I'm thinner because it's hard carrying around this extra weight and trying to run. It really kills my knees and feet. I'm plan to run on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays typically. I really hope I can stick to that schedule most of time though. I'm also hoping that by me keeping a schedule and losing weight that it'll motivate the fiance to keep a running schedule. He wants to take the physical test for a local police department in May or June, so he needs to make sure he can pass it.

All in all... I'm pretty optimistic about things. I have about a year and seven months until our wedding, so that's plenty of time to get myself in shape. I also hope to spend this years birthday (28! Dang, I'm getting old!) under 200 pounds. Gotta do it!

I don't think many people even still read my blog, since I don't post regularly and I don't post many interesting things... but here's hoping that at least a couple of people get something out of it. I miss the days where I used to blog and feel excited about it. I think it made me feel more accountable for my actions and motivated me more.

Have a great rest of the week!

Sunday, March 21, 2010


The weigh-in this Friday was sad as well. I know that mathematically it's not possible, but still seeing only a 0.2 pound loss this week was disheartening. I know I worked harder than that. Why doesn't the scale always reflect that?

Oh well... I need a new plan of attack for this week. Gotta push through.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


Only lost 0.6 pounds this week. Boo to that!

Forgot to post that last week I lost 2.4 pounds, so that was good.

It's a love/hate relationship.

Saturday, March 6, 2010


I ate unhealthy pizza for dinner.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I missed sweating.

Did 30 minutes on our new elliptical tonight. It was a little tough. Obviously my machine is different from the ones at the gym, and I also haven't worked out in months. I was given the ok to do moderate exercise 6 weeks after surgery, which was yesterday. It was tough but it felt really good to break a sweat. It kinda made my incision site burn a little, but it was my first attempt so I'm sure things will improve.

The elliptical we purchased was pre-owned, but in the user settings you can check how many hours it has been used and so I found out that it had only been used 5 hours! It's practically brand new! We got it for $350, which is like half the price of buying a brand new one from the store.   It's the Nordic Track E7SV. So far I have nothing but good things to say about it. I enjoy having something at home that I can do anytime I want.

Hopefully this will be even more motivation to keep healthy, exercise regularly, and reach my goal weight by my wedding in 2011.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


We bought an elliptical today! Yay!!! I'm so excited to have this as an at-home work out option. More on that later this week.

Also, today is officially 6 weeks post-op for me so I'm allowed to start moderate exercise again. Woo hoo!

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Back on The Wagon

Well, after several weeks months off from exercise and dieting... I'm back on the wagon again. It's been rough, to say the least.

Before I had my surgery, I was eating with a "what-if-I-die-in-surgery-having-not-eaten-the-things-I-wanted-to" mentality. It was fun, but not productive. Obviously, I didn't die in surgery. And sitting around the house for 5 weeks post-op didn't improve my spirits or motivation. This week was my first week back to work and finally (probably around Tuesday or Wednesday) I got back in the swing of things, started eating healthier, went grocery shopping, and started counting my calories again. It was definitely rough. After eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, it's really hard to restrict myself. But, I made it 3 whole days of eating better. Finally weighed myself on Friday and........ it said 223.2! NO!!!!!!! Somehow (even though I know how) I gained 11 pounds since November. Man... that just kinda caught me off guard.

You see... the battery in my scale died and I just kept "forgetting" to get a new one. So, I hadn't weighed myself since sometime in late November/Early December. Never again will I let that scale be dead for that long. Otherwise maybe I would have noticed like a 5 pound gain and stopped it there. Oh well..... woulda, coulda, shoulda. What happened has happened. Time to look towards the future. I now realize that this weight thing will definitely be a struggle for the rest of my life. I'll have to keep on top of it if I don't want things to get out of hand.  That sucks.  :-P

I have made myself a little 12 Week Challenge: Lose 15 pounds in 12 weeks. That's absolutely possible. I even made myself a little chart to hand on my refrigerator so I can track my progress. I just have to stick to it. The weekends are the hardest. Today is my first weekend back on the healthy eating wagon, so let's hope it goes well. I'm also not allowed (doctor's orders!) to exercise yet. Though, next week I'm allowed to start moderate exercise, though I don't really know what that means. I'm hoping to maybe try the elliptical at the gym next week and see how I feel, and hopefully I won't hurt myself.

I miss the elliptical, my old friend.....

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Sometimes life just gets ya down....

Sometimes when you feel down and out, it's hard to see things ever being any different than they are right there in that moment...

Sometimes you feel lost and don't know how to find your way back to what you were and what you want...

Sometimes there aren't even words to explain what's wrong or why you feel the way you do.... like right now.

I need to get back to a routine, back to myself, back to something. My healthy habits, my zest for life, my happiness.... have all seemed to escape me the past few months. I feel like I'm grasping at straws....

Monday, February 8, 2010

Myomectomy: Day 20

Well, it's now been about 20 days since I had my myomectomy. Still recovering. Some days I feel almost like new... and then the next day it'll be like 2 steps backward. Those days suck. I get tired quickly, I hurt, and just generally feel gross. My incision is about 7-8 inches long and itches like crazy, and I'm having lots of girly problems and that's no fun at all either.

I can't wait to be able to exercise again. I really miss it. I've been eating like crap... ABSOLUTE crap! And since I'm not allowed to exercise, that's not a good situation for me. The only positive thing about going to back to work soon is that it should be easier to get a handle on my healthy eating again since I'll be back to my routine.

The batteries in my scale have died and I haven't picked up any new ones yet, so I actually have no idea what I'm up to now but I'm willing to bet it's at least like 215 or 220. Darn it all!

Gotta make a change.

Thursday, February 4, 2010


is TJ's giveaway. I entered to win her awesome set of lunch goodies, and you can too.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Myomectomy: Day 15

Well, it's been about 2 weeks since my myomectomy surgery. So far, so good. Still not 100%, but at least I can do things for myself now (for the most part). Still a few more weeks of recovery.

The worst part is that sitting at home and being bored just makes me want to eat. I really wish that I could work out, but I'm not allowed to very many activities during this recovery time, so that's kind of difficult. Boo. I have to get back on the healthy eating/exercising track. Especially since we are getting married next year. I would like to be thinner for my wedding photos.

Speaking of wedding stuff... I decided since a lot of people who read this blog (if anybody still reads it) probably don't care much about wedding stuff. So I'm going to try to keep it separate (though it may still creep in from time to time, sorry) and started a separate wedding blog.

In case anybody is interested in that one though.... It's here: Bridezilla on a Budget.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Myomectomy: Day 7

I'm about to complain, but before I do I'd just like to say... Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful for a lot of things. I'm very thankful that my surgery went well and I didn't die. I'm thankful that I have my uterus still. I'm thankful that I have health insurance and was able to have this surgery. I'm thankful for my BFF, Anna.... who really showed me how much she cared about me and took great care of me and has been SO sweet to me. I'm thankful for my sister.... who is able to commiserate with me and keep me company sometimes. I'm thankful for my fiance who makes me food, brings me drinks, goes to the store for me, slept at the hospital with me, and still loves me despite how gross I've looked and been lately and despite how moody I've been since the surgery. (And they say that a lot of women are emotional after they have myomectomies.... Well, there may be something to that theory since today I tend to cry a lot.)

That being said.... things still suck lately.

~I'm sick of being stuck in the apartment and not being able to leave because I can still barely walk.
~I'm sick of being exhausted after just walking around the apartment for a minute.
~I'm sick of not being able to take a regular shower, since I can't bend and move the way I normally would.
~I'm sick of having to lower myself slowly onto the toilet when I have to pee. And then it takes me like 5 minutes to pee because I have to let it drip out since I can't use my ab muscles to push it out. (Yes, this is probably more than you wanted to know)
~I'm sick of my stomach looking like I'm 5 months pregnant because it's so swollen. I definitely couldn't fit any of my regular clothes. I haven't worn pants (except for small periods of time when people come to visit and I feel like I have to put some pajama pants on) in a week.
~I'm sick of my butt going numb from laying on it all the time.
~I'm sick of my abdomen still being completely numb from the surgery.
~I'm sick of the pain.
~I'm sick of not having fresh air.
~I'm sick of not being able to do things for myself.

I know.... that's a lot (even though it's not all of it). I'm just feeling aggravated and emotional right now. I've watched all the TV I can handle for the most part. I just want to get up and be normal again. I want to be able to spend time with my fiance and my friends.... besides just sitting with them in my bedroom (or on the couch) until I'm tired and have to go to sleep.

Still.... I'm grateful.

I know that I am blessed and that this too shall pass.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Myomectomy: Day 4

I never thought that just sitting up for 10 minutes would wear me out to the point where I needed a nap.

The surgery went well. Thank God! My doctor got the tumor out and saved my uterus! Yay!!! I'm so glad that at least I still have the equipment I'll need to have kids. My hospital stay was alright. This is definitely not a fun recovery. Everything is painful.... sitting, talking, breathing, sleeping, peeing.... you name it, and it hurts for me to do it.

But every day seems to get a little better than the one before, so that's good.

I feel like I've been missing from the "real" world for like a month... even though it's only been a few days. Everything in my mind is fuzzy from the past few days... maybe it's all the pain meds I've been taking.

I feel like a drain on the people around me since I'm pretty much bed ridden and can't do a whole lot for myself. Hopefully in a few days I'll be able to at least make my own meals. I'm really hoping to be able to stand long enough to take a shower.... either today or tomorrow. You don't realize how much you take those things for granted until you can't do them anymore. haha.

I apologize if there are many spelling/grammar mistakes in my upcoming blogs... like I said, my brain is a little fuzzy these days.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Long time, no blog....

Well, we finally have the internet at my house now. I haven't blogged in quite a while. So, here's a quick recap of the last few months:

- My boyfriend moved in with me.
- My boyfriend asked me to marry him!!! Yay!!!
- I only lost about 14 pounds overall last year.
- I'm having surgery today at 11:30 to remove the grapefruit sized tumor from my uterus.

I'm super excited about the wedding. I honestly didn't know if I would ever find someone I thought I could marry (or would want to marry me, since I can be a little difficult sometimes. lol). I bought my wedding dress last night. I went to a bunch of different stores and tried on a bunch of different dresses.... and finally picked the one that I really didn't think would be my dress. But, in the end it was more "me" and I loved it. It's super pretty!

I'm very nervous about the surgery. I really want to have kids someday, so I really hope that she can get the tumor (hopefully when she gets in there, she only finds the one and not others) removed and keep my uterus in good shape and still in body. I don't even want to think about how I'd feel if I woke up without a uterus..... having kids has always been a dream of mine.

Anyway, I'll be off work for like the next month.... so there will probably be more blogging. Especially now that we have the internet and I can blog from my bed.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Wish me luck!