Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Starting Over....

So, it's time to take inventory and recover.

After the tumor diagnosis, it became really easy to be depressed and throw caution to the wind. Nothing seemed like a big deal anymore. It was a catch 22 though. On one hand, I was feeling like I should live life to the fullest and not stress over things that wouldn't matter in the end: my weight, my debt that will probably always follow me, stress at work. However, not worrying about those things wasn't making me any happier. I basically just spent 2 weeks eating bad food, spending money frivolously, and slacking at work...... but I wasn't feeling any happier.

It turns out that I need those things to make me feel happy and productive and in control of my life. I'm not dying, so it's time to stop acting like I am! I want to lose weight and feel fabulous. I want to save money and pay off my debt so I can eventually buy things I want, like a house (or have the money to adopt a kid, if that's what comes of my tumor situation). I like working hard and taking pride in doing a job well... it makes me feel like a worthy human being.

So, I'm trying to get back on track. I've gained 5 pounds over the past 2 weeks because I was drowning my sorrows in food and alcohol. I spent money that I was intending to save, so now I've got to cut back. I slacked at work, so now I'm busy trying to catch up. The BFF, Mrs. B., put it best when she said " I really need to face the music and pay more attention to the consequences part of being an adult...". Amen, sister..... Amen.

This morning on the local radio station, the 2 female DJs were discussing weight and how most men have no perspective on what women weigh. How, if a guy hears about a girl that weighs like 200 pounds, in their heads they picture her as huge. The reality is that most women don't actually weight 120-130 pounds. Accept it guys. They asked local women to call in and say how old they were, how tall they were, and how much they weighed. It actually sounded very liberating for most of these women. Even the overweight women who called, they were congratulated on admitting the truth and and not shamed for what they weighed. In that spirit, I'm working on a separate blog entry to start my formal transition into changing my life and committing to make myself a healthier and happier person. (Don't have as much time right now, as I have a friend that will be here in about 5 minutes. haha)

Tumor Update: It's bigger than they thought, about 9 cm... the size of a softball. Which is totally freaking me out knowing that there is this thing that big living in my body. Especially considering that the average woman's uterus is only 8 cm big! My other doctor wasn't very helpful or supportive. So, long story short.... I've found a women who specializes in this type of stuff and I see her on Monday. Hopefully she will be able to answer the million questions I have about this thing.

Until next time.....


Mrs B. said...

hearts, stars and horseshoes! (love, success and luck) my dear! I love you! We'll get through this whole thing together!