Samantha's Saga.....

Weigh-In

2011-01-29T08:35:00.000-05:00

Despite what I thought was going to be a bad week last week, I ended up with a 2.6 pound loss yesterday!!! Which means I reached my goal of at least 10 pounds lost for the month. January's total is 11.4 pounds!

Just gotta keep on going.

Weigh-In

2011-01-22T22:14:00.000-05:00

The weigh-in yesterday wasn't too good. Only down 0.6 pounds, but a loss is a loss and I'll take it. Especially considering I only worked out one time during the week and had a hard time keeping my calories down like I have been.

Oh well. It's a marathon, not a sprint. As long as I keep losing weight each week then I will get to my goal eventually.

Weigh-In

2011-01-15T12:07:00.000-05:00

Down another 4 pounds this week! Not sure how that's happening, but I'll take it. I'm attributing it to the fact that I've been doing so well with my eating. I haven't been exercising enough, but I'm working on that.

In other ridiculous news... I can't stop thinking about a Big Mac today! Like it's there in the back of my mind every second since I woke up! I feel like an addict. Blah. I have to push through and break these bad habits.

Another challenge will be that this weekend I have to make a birthday cake for a friend's son and it'll be tough trying to do that without taste-testing anything so as not to consume lots of needless calories.... especially since I'm a baker that typically doesn't bake using a recipe but rather just adds stuff until it tastes right.

Wish me luck!

Have a great weekend!

Stuffed mushrooms and the weekend

2011-01-10T21:59:00.000-05:00

Super proud of myself about this past weekend. I watched my calories every day and it was probably one of the healthier weekends I've ever had. Even when we had to go out to Carrabba's Italian Grill for my future father-in-laws birthday dinner, I made healthy choices but still enjoyed my meal. I did some elliptical on Saturday... which if you know me, you know how big a victor that is since I hate to work out on the weekends. (Who am I kidding? I hate to work out no matter what day of the week it is.)

I've been trying to find healthier meals that are also very tasty and that aren't repeated very often in order to keep the fiance satisfied. We are very different in that respect... I can eat the same thing several times a week and have no problem with it. I like a routine and a plan. While he can do that, he prefers to change things up more often. So tonight I tried out some healthy stuffed mushrooms. They actually turned out pretty good. I just threw it together.... but I think this is basically what I did.

Sam's vegetarian stuffed mushrooms:
- 6 baby portabello mushrooms
- 1/2 cup Panko bread crumbs
- 1/2 part skim mozzarella
- 1 cup spinach
- Dried onions
- 1/4 cup water
- Oregano
- Salt and pepper
- Salt free "zesty" seasoning

-Basically I cut the stems out of the mushrooms and chopped those up.
-Saute the mushroom pieces with some dried onions (I always have these on hand and hate chopping onions so there are my go to for recipes where I just need a little onion) in a non-stick pan with some fat-free cooking spray.
-Add oregano, salt, pepper, and whatever spices you like (these are just what I had on hand). I also use a lot of what I believe is a generic version of one type of "Mrs. Dash" seasoning.)
-Add spinach in with the mushrooms and onions. Cook until it's wilted.
-Add bread crumbs to pan and add water. (The bread crumbs get an almost stuffing consistency, but a little less mushy)
-Cook until all mixed together and evenly heated.

-Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees.
-Coat baking sheet with non-stick cooking spray.
-Place mushrooms on baking sheet.
-Fill each mushroom with bread crumb mixture
-Top each with part-skim mozzarella.
-Bake 10-15 minutes or until brown on top.

We ate ours with some brown rice that I had seasoned with some of the same herbs in the mushrooms.

Next time I might try changing up a few spices, but there are a lot of possibilities here.

Same old story.... hopefully a different ending.

2011-01-09T12:45:00.000-05:00

Back on the wagon once again. Hopefully (again) this time for real. Our wedding is in a little over 10 months. I HATE my weight and how I feel lately. I totally went overboard over the holidays. I weighed in on December 31, 2010 at an ~~embarassing~~ motivating 236 pounds. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! I can't believe I let that happen. That's 24 pounds more than my lowest weight since I've had this blog.

Anyway... the fiance and I are very focused now. I am trying my best to keep myself in a good mind frame about all of this, stay positive, look at the big picture, etc. I want to feel better. I want to like myself more. I want to love my wedding pictures and feel beautiful on my wedding day. I want to be able to enjoy my honeymoon and not be embarassed to go to the pool in my bathing suit.

I want to be healthy enough to have children and raise healthy children.

So... yeah, chugging along.

Last week... first weigh-in of the new year, and I was down 4.2 pounds. Great way to start things off! And I've done far better this weekend than I think I have ever done any weekend in my life.

Maybe after so many attempts at this whole shenanigan I've finally learned my lesson? I know that I can't go all overboard and hardcore when it comes to weight loss. I can't be so strict on myself and not allow myself any wiggle room. I am going to eat bad things... that's all there is to it. I'm not a "clean" eater. I don't love all vegetables. I can't live without chocolate. It's just the way it is. But a bad thing here or there isn't going to be the end of the world anymore. Crap happens. But every day is a new day. As long as I get right back on track the next day, then in the end it'll all work out. I try to exercise 3 times a week. If I don't, then I don't.

I am one of those people... I get all gung-ho at the beginning and eat only 1400 calories a day and exercise 5 times a week and only eat healthy things. That last for about 3-4 weeks and then I fall off the wagon and fall HARD. So, in an effort to avoid repeating the same mistake for like the ~~3rd~~ 100th time, I am going to take a different approach and accept that moderation is key here... and even small victories and small goals are still big achievements for this struggling girl.

I can do this.

Here.

2010-09-22T22:21:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted on here in a long time. I guess I kind of lost the motivation and didn't see much of a point... even though I do miss the blogger support that used to help keep me accountable. :-(

I've been back on the wagon again and as always I say that this will be THE time I really stick with it.

It's late and I need to go to sleep. Maybe I'll actually update for real tomorrow, but for now I'll just say... that I'm still here. I may not succeed often, but at least I'm constantly trying and never giving up.

I'll figure it out one day.

At least there has been some progress....

2010-05-05T21:21:00.000-04:00

So, it's like a year later and I'm only a few pounds lighter, but today I realized at least there has been some unseen progress.

I started C25K again today. Week 1: Day 1. And...... it was a piece of freaking cake!!! First of all, I totally forgot how much I liked running. After how stressful my job is, it's nice to just crank up the music in my mp3 player and run the stress away. (However, I also forgot how much my left knee doesn't like running, but oh well). Second of all, I remember what it was like last year around this time when I was starting C25K for the first time ever... and It. Was. Rough. Seriously. The first week is only 60 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking,... alternating for 20 minutes. Last year when I started I really couldn't make it through 2 full alternations! 60 seconds of running wore me out before. Now, it's obvious to me that though I haven't overall lost much weight... my heart at least has to be a little stronger than last year.

Good job, Heart! I promise... this year I am going to try to take even better care of you!

I've been somewhat down in the dumps this week, feeling blue, etc..... so I'm just hoping for a maintain really. Sometimes just getting by is hard enough. But it's a life-long journey, that's one thing I'm sure of. And tomorrow is another day. (Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.... cliche, cliche, cliche.)

Time to sleep. :-)

1000!

2010-04-28T19:55:00.000-04:00

So, last week while watching The Biggest Loser, I was on the elliptical like I usually am and decided to stop looking at the clock and just keep going until I felt tired. I also decided to try it on a higher resistance than I normally do. Typically I stay around level 4 or 5. That time I decided to try it on level 8 or 9 since 4 isn't really that tough for me usually. About 45 minutes later... I had burned over 800 calories! This week I hopped on the elliptical again during the show and tried it on a high resistance again. This time I stayed on level 10 or 11 during the show and during commercial breaks I kicked it up to level 12. Then 55 minutes later... I learned that my elliptical can only count calories up to 3 digit numbers. It reached 999 calories and rolled right over 001. Kinda sad that I never got to see it say "1000" but still a really gratifying moment. So I did over 10 miles and almost an hour and burned over 1000 calories!!!

Still... something about this doesn't seem right. On the elliptical at the gym I could sometimes get it up to maybe 5 or 6 miles and maybe 500 calories or so burned, but then I'd be spent. So, how can I do so much more on this elliptical? At the gym I always hovered around level 3 or 4... never any higher because it was hard. So how can I do it at home on my elliptical at level 12? I figured it was just a slight difference between the machines, but seriously... to go from 30 minutes at level 4 at the gym to 55 minutes at level 12 at home? The logical assumption would be.... that I'm in better shape now and have more endurance. But that also doesn't seem right to me because I don't feel much different, but that has to be it. I guess it just kind of crept up on me because I didn't really feel like I was forcing myself.

I always told myself that if we had a treadmill or elliptical at home that it'd be easier to exercise and I'd do it so much more... though in the back of my mind I knew there was a chance that the machine would just become a clothes collector. However, I've actually done pretty well. I don't do as great as I should... but I always use the elliptical at least 2-3 times a week. I guess that's how things crept up on me. I can watch Biggest Loser and just not focus on the fact that I am exercising and it makes the time go by much faster. At the gym I am practically counting down the minutes until I can get off the ellipticals.

I know we all say "this is the time I'm going to do it" all the time... but this time I feel a little more than determined or upbeat about it. This time I feel angry. I am angry with myself for losing and re-gaining the same 10-15 pounds over and over again. I have stayed between 210-220 for the past year... and I'm over it! I haven't been below 212 in the past 9 years. By the end of May 2010 I plan to be at or below at least 211.

Gotta make it happen!

Weigh-In

2010-04-24T09:00:00.002-04:00

This past week I worked really hard.... so I feel like I really earned and deserved the 2.4 pounds I lost this week.

Feeling motivated.

Weigh-in

2010-04-17T08:47:00.000-04:00

Well, this past week wasn't really a great one. I hurt my back on Tuesday so I didn't exercise much, and I ended up eating pizza on Tuesday too(I had weak moment) so in the end I didn't lose anything. However, at least I didn't gain either.

Looking forward to a big loss next week. :-)

Check it out...

2010-04-15T19:59:00.002-04:00

Over at Operation Size 8, she's giving away what looks to be like an awesome book! I've been dying for some new good reading material. Go check it out.

Getting (and trying to stay) Back on the Wagon.

2010-04-14T19:23:00.001-04:00

Well, last friday I lost 2.4 pounds (220.8). Yay me! Didn't post the week before that either, but I lost 2 pounds that week. The sad part is that even with losing almost 5 pounds in the past 2 weeks... I still don't feel accomplished because I had gained like 5 pounds the week before that. Yup... in one week! Ridiculous! I believe it was because of a new birth control pill I was taking. I was working so hard the weeks before that and was only losing like 0.2 pounds. It was frustrating and that last week I barely exercised and went over my calories.... and the result was a 5.2 gain? No way. I know it wasn't mathematically possible. I'd would have to eat like 4500 calories every day for a week, and I know I didn't. So... I finally decided it was that pill and stopped taking it. The first 2 weeks off that pill and I have almost lost the weight that I gained on it. And I believe that last year when I was working really hard and only losing like 0.4 pounds each week... was also the time that the doctor tried to put me on that same brand of pill. So... at least now I know that one is DEFINITELY not for me.

So, anyway... moving on. Looking forward to being back on track. I really have to stick with it this time. I want to finally feel better about myself and I want to look GREAT in my wedding dress next year! 2007 was my highest weight... 257 pounds. I have fluctuated a lot over the last 2 and half years or so, but at least I never got back up to that. I think my highest since then has been 231. Not great, but at least I did manage to keep some weight off overall. I gained 11 pounds after my surgery in January this year, so that sucked. But, now I really want to get everything off... and hope to be down to about 165 around my wedding. My fiance is also trying to lose some weight. He's having a harder time with it than I am right now (though for some reason this week has been a REAL struggle for me). When he actually sticks with it, he loses big numbers each week. However, sticking with it and counting his calories and working out are all things he doesn't like do (but then again, who does?) Hopefully we can do it together and motivate each other. I want us to be one good looking, healthy pair in our wedding pictures! And I want us to be healthy active parents when we have children.

In other news: I start C25K again this weekend. I'm scared! I never finished it last time I started... I made it to about week 5 and couldn't get past that. I had hoped to be a little lighter when I started this time, but obviously that didn't work out. Oh, well. We are doing another 5K in June this year (same one we did in June of last year) and I hope to be able to beat my time by a few minutes, and be able to run most of it. Anybody else out there actually finished C25K? Any girls that are still chubby? Sometimes I feel like I will never be able to finish it until I'm thinner because it's hard carrying around this extra weight and trying to run. It really kills my knees and feet. I'm plan to run on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays typically. I really hope I can stick to that schedule most of time though. I'm also hoping that by me keeping a schedule and losing weight that it'll motivate the fiance to keep a running schedule. He wants to take the physical test for a local police department in May or June, so he needs to make sure he can pass it.

All in all... I'm pretty optimistic about things. I have about a year and seven months until our wedding, so that's plenty of time to get myself in shape. I also hope to spend this years birthday (28! Dang, I'm getting old!) under 200 pounds. Gotta do it!

I don't think many people even still read my blog, since I don't post regularly and I don't post many interesting things... but here's hoping that at least a couple of people get something out of it. I miss the days where I used to blog and feel excited about it. I think it made me feel more accountable for my actions and motivated me more.

Have a great rest of the week!

Weigh-in

2010-03-21T00:01:00.000-04:00

The weigh-in this Friday was sad as well. I know that mathematically it's not possible, but still seeing only a 0.2 pound loss this week was disheartening. I know I worked harder than that. Why doesn't the scale always reflect that?

Oh well... I need a new plan of attack for this week. Gotta push through.

Weigh-in

2010-03-13T16:22:00.002-05:00

Only lost 0.6 pounds this week. Boo to that!

Forgot to post that last week I lost 2.4 pounds, so that was good.

It's a love/hate relationship.

Guilt.

2010-03-06T01:58:00.000-05:00

I ate unhealthy pizza for dinner.

And that's all I have to say about that.

I missed sweating.

2010-03-03T21:34:00.002-05:00

Did 30 minutes on our new elliptical tonight. It was a little tough. Obviously my machine is different from the ones at the gym, and I also haven't worked out in months. I was given the ok to do moderate exercise 6 weeks after surgery, which was yesterday. It was tough but it felt really good to break a sweat. It kinda made my incision site burn a little, but it was my first attempt so I'm sure things will improve.

The elliptical we purchased was pre-owned, but in the user settings you can check how many hours it has been used and so I found out that it had only been used 5 hours! It's practically brand new! We got it for $350, which is like half the price of buying a brand new one from the store. It's the Nordic Track E7SV. So far I have nothing but good things to say about it. I enjoy having something at home that I can do anytime I want.

Hopefully this will be even more motivation to keep healthy, exercise regularly, and reach my goal weight by my wedding in 2011.

Yay!!!

2010-03-02T20:43:00.000-05:00

We bought an elliptical today! Yay!!! I'm so excited to have this as an at-home work out option. More on that later this week.

Also, today is officially 6 weeks post-op for me so I'm allowed to start moderate exercise again. Woo hoo!

Back on The Wagon

2010-02-27T11:28:00.001-05:00

Well, after several ~~weeks~~ months off from exercise and dieting... I'm back on the wagon again. It's been rough, to say the least.

Before I had my surgery, I was eating with a "what-if-I-die-in-surgery-having-not-eaten-the-things-I-wanted-to" mentality. It was fun, but not productive. Obviously, I didn't die in surgery. And sitting around the house for 5 weeks post-op didn't improve my spirits or motivation. This week was my first week back to work and finally (probably around Tuesday or Wednesday) I got back in the swing of things, started eating healthier, went grocery shopping, and started counting my calories again. It was definitely rough. After eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, it's really hard to restrict myself. But, I made it 3 whole days of eating better. Finally weighed myself on Friday and........ it said 223.2! NO!!!!!!! Somehow (even though I know how) I gained 11 pounds since November. Man... that just kinda caught me off guard.

You see... the battery in my scale died and I just kept "forgetting" to get a new one. So, I hadn't weighed myself since sometime in late November/Early December. Never again will I let that scale be dead for that long. Otherwise maybe I would have noticed like a 5 pound gain and stopped it there. Oh well..... woulda, coulda, shoulda. What happened has happened. Time to look towards the future. I now realize that this weight thing will definitely be a struggle for the rest of my life. I'll have to keep on top of it if I don't want things to get out of hand. That sucks. :-P

I have made myself a little 12 Week Challenge: Lose 15 pounds in 12 weeks. That's absolutely possible. I even made myself a little chart to hand on my refrigerator so I can track my progress. I just have to stick to it. The weekends are the hardest. Today is my first weekend back on the healthy eating wagon, so let's hope it goes well. I'm also not allowed (doctor's orders!) to exercise yet. Though, next week I'm allowed to start moderate exercise, though I don't really know what that means. I'm hoping to maybe try the elliptical at the gym next week and see how I feel, and hopefully I won't hurt myself.

I miss the elliptical, my old friend.....

Sometimes....

2010-02-17T01:19:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life just gets ya down....

Sometimes when you feel down and out, it's hard to see things ever being any different than they are right there in that moment...

Sometimes you feel lost and don't know how to find your way back to what you were and what you want...

Sometimes there aren't even words to explain what's wrong or why you feel the way you do.... like right now.

I need to get back to a routine, back to myself, back to something. My healthy habits, my zest for life, my happiness.... have all seemed to escape me the past few months. I feel like I'm grasping at straws....

Myomectomy: Day 20

2010-02-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

Well, it's now been about 20 days since I had my myomectomy. Still recovering. Some days I feel almost like new... and then the next day it'll be like 2 steps backward. Those days suck. I get tired quickly, I hurt, and just generally feel gross. My incision is about 7-8 inches long and itches like crazy, and I'm having lots of girly problems and that's no fun at all either.

I can't wait to be able to exercise again. I really miss it. I've been eating like crap... ABSOLUTE crap! And since I'm not allowed to exercise, that's not a good situation for me. The only positive thing about going to back to work soon is that it should be easier to get a handle on my healthy eating again since I'll be back to my routine.

The batteries in my scale have died and I haven't picked up any new ones yet, so I actually have no idea what I'm up to now but I'm willing to bet it's at least like 215 or 220. Darn it all!

Gotta make a change.

Tomorrow....

2010-02-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

is TJ's giveaway. I entered to win her awesome set of lunch goodies, and you can too.

Myomectomy: Day 15

2010-02-03T21:57:00.001-05:00

Well, it's been about 2 weeks since my myomectomy surgery. So far, so good. Still not 100%, but at least I can do things for myself now (for the most part). Still a few more weeks of recovery.

The worst part is that sitting at home and being bored just makes me want to eat. I really wish that I could work out, but I'm not allowed to very many activities during this recovery time, so that's kind of difficult. Boo. I have to get back on the healthy eating/exercising track. Especially since we are getting married next year. I would like to be thinner for my wedding photos.

Speaking of wedding stuff... I decided since a lot of people who read this blog (if anybody still reads it) probably don't care much about wedding stuff. So I'm going to try to keep it separate (though it may still creep in from time to time, sorry) and started a separate wedding blog.

In case anybody is interested in that one though.... It's here: Bridezilla on a Budget.

Myomectomy: Day 7

2010-01-25T19:37:00.004-05:00

I'm about to complain, but before I do I'd just like to say... Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful for a lot of things. I'm very thankful that my surgery went well and I didn't die. I'm thankful that I have my uterus still. I'm thankful that I have health insurance and was able to have this surgery. I'm thankful for my BFF, Anna.... who really showed me how much she cared about me and took great care of me and has been SO sweet to me. I'm thankful for my sister.... who is able to commiserate with me and keep me company sometimes. I'm thankful for my fiance who makes me food, brings me drinks, goes to the store for me, slept at the hospital with me, and still loves me despite how gross I've looked and been lately and despite how moody I've been since the surgery. (And they say that a lot of women are emotional after they have myomectomies.... Well, there may be something to that theory since today I tend to cry a lot.)

That being said.... things still suck lately.

~I'm sick of being stuck in the apartment and not being able to leave because I can still barely walk.
~I'm sick of being exhausted after just walking around the apartment for a minute.
~I'm sick of not being able to take a regular shower, since I can't bend and move the way I normally would.
~I'm sick of having to lower myself slowly onto the toilet when I have to pee. And then it takes me like 5 minutes to pee because I have to let it drip out since I can't use my ab muscles to push it out. (Yes, this is probably more than you wanted to know)
~I'm sick of my stomach looking like I'm 5 months pregnant because it's so swollen. I definitely couldn't fit any of my regular clothes. I haven't worn pants (except for small periods of time when people come to visit and I feel like I have to put some pajama pants on) in a week.
~I'm sick of my butt going numb from laying on it all the time.
~I'm sick of my abdomen still being completely numb from the surgery.
~I'm sick of the pain.
~I'm sick of not having fresh air.
~I'm sick of not being able to do things for myself.

I know.... that's a lot (even though it's not all of it). I'm just feeling aggravated and emotional right now. I've watched all the TV I can handle for the most part. I just want to get up and be normal again. I want to be able to spend time with my fiance and my friends.... besides just sitting with them in my bedroom (or on the couch) until I'm tired and have to go to sleep.

Still.... I'm grateful.

I know that I am blessed and that this too shall pass.

Myomectomy: Day 4

2010-01-22T11:28:00.003-05:00

I never thought that just sitting up for 10 minutes would wear me out to the point where I needed a nap.

The surgery went well. Thank God! My doctor got the tumor out and saved my uterus! Yay!!! I'm so glad that at least I still have the equipment I'll need to have kids. My hospital stay was alright. This is definitely not a fun recovery. Everything is painful.... sitting, talking, breathing, sleeping, peeing.... you name it, and it hurts for me to do it.

But every day seems to get a little better than the one before, so that's good.

I feel like I've been missing from the "real" world for like a month... even though it's only been a few days. Everything in my mind is fuzzy from the past few days... maybe it's all the pain meds I've been taking.

I feel like a drain on the people around me since I'm pretty much bed ridden and can't do a whole lot for myself. Hopefully in a few days I'll be able to at least make my own meals. I'm really hoping to be able to stand long enough to take a shower.... either today or tomorrow. You don't realize how much you take those things for granted until you can't do them anymore. haha.

I apologize if there are many spelling/grammar mistakes in my upcoming blogs... like I said, my brain is a little fuzzy these days.

Long time, no blog....

2010-01-19T08:04:00.002-05:00

Well, we finally have the internet at my house now. I haven't blogged in quite a while. So, here's a quick recap of the last few months:

- My boyfriend moved in with me.
- My boyfriend asked me to marry him!!! Yay!!!
- I only lost about 14 pounds overall last year.
- I'm having surgery today at 11:30 to remove the grapefruit sized tumor from my uterus.

I'm super excited about the wedding. I honestly didn't know if I would ever find someone I thought I could marry (or would want to marry me, since I can be a little difficult sometimes. lol). I bought my wedding dress last night. I went to a bunch of different stores and tried on a bunch of different dresses.... and finally picked the one that I really didn't think would be my dress. But, in the end it was more "me" and I loved it. It's super pretty!

I'm very nervous about the surgery. I really want to have kids someday, so I really hope that she can get the tumor (hopefully when she gets in there, she only finds the one and not others) removed and keep my uterus in good shape and still in body. I don't even want to think about how I'd feel if I woke up without a uterus..... having kids has always been a dream of mine.

Anyway, I'll be off work for like the next month.... so there will probably be more blogging. Especially now that we have the internet and I can blog from my bed.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Wish me luck!

I tried.

2009-08-17T17:35:00.004-04:00

Well... I attempted to find myself a little place to chill (with free wifi) so I could catch up on blogs and update my own. But... as it took me so long to finally get connected, I'm almost out of time now.

I stayed downtown after work to try to use the wifi here and the last Metro bus comes in about 15 minutes, so that's all I've got. While trying to connect, I sat here staring out the window....

Last week I found myself in a SERIOUS financial emergency. Which caused me to wallow in self-pity and cry. Oh, and I also didn't exercise and ate a bunch of bad food. That resulted in a 2 pound gain last week. Boo!!!! I'm trying to get back on track this week and not let things get me down. Though, it will be harder to buy the fancy healthy food being that I'm suddenly on such a strict budge (and I do mean strict). But, I'll make do. Must persevere. Keep on keepin' on. All that jazz.

Well.... I guess that's all we have time for folks. Tune in next time for the more "Tales from the internet deprived girl".

Issues.

2009-08-16T15:03:00.001-04:00

Internet issues at my house these days... but I'll try to be back to regular posting soon.

Today will be a challenge.

2009-08-08T10:22:00.006-04:00

Today I am throwing a bridal shower for my friend. I'm the maid of honor for her September 12th wedding. First we are going to dinner at BW3's (Eek!) and then games/snacks/presents/drinks at my apartment after. Yesterday I was definitely over my calories, but I was SO starving all day. Bah!

Today, my plan is to run to the store for a couple of things, then hit the gym, then i have to clean my ENTIRE house (Ugh!), bake cupcakes & cakes, and get ready for the shower. At least the gym and all the cleaning should burn lots of calories.

I'm just feeling like my willpower is weak the past few days, so that's a little scary.

It's weigh-in day, again.

2009-08-07T07:56:00.002-04:00

Lost 2 more pounds this week. Yay! 212.2. Slowly but surely... I will get there.

Guess what I just did?

2009-08-05T19:37:00.001-04:00

I ran 1.52 miles straight! No walking! My farthest continuous run so far. Yay for me!

I rock.

Running and Cooking

2009-08-01T16:59:00.008-04:00

This morning was my third 5K of the year. I really am still not sleeping very well at all. I tried to go to bed early last night but just had the hardest time falling asleep and staying asleep. I dragged my tired butt out of bed around 5:45 this morning. Never did I think that I'd be getting up at the butt crack of dawn to go running. And especially did I never think that I'd be excited to do it. I had the nervous energy all over again, despite the fact that this is my third time doing this. I ate my breakfast, grabbed my banana and Powerade and was out the door. There were a TON of ladies in this race. It was a sea of pink. (photo courtesy of the BFF. We run all the races together.)

I started out rocking this race! I finished the first mile in about 13 minutes, then the second mile in about 14 minutes, and then something happened to me. That last mile killed me. I just lost my momentum. I ended up finishing in 43:01. That's 19 seconds slower than last time. Boo! I had really hoped to finish in under 42 minutes, but oh well. What's a girl to do???

Well... next time she will continue running/training the WHOLE time in between races. I have to stick to it. The more I do these, the more I'm DYING to be one of those girls who's just jogging along like 3.1 miles is walk in the park. Meanwhile, in reality I'm chugging along trying to convince myself to keep running. The next race is at the Cincinnati Zoo. Which is going to be hard to compare that time to other ones, I think, because that place is just a massive amount of hills!!! It's rough just walking around the zoo, let alone running! I better get to training for that one.

Today I bought myself (partly with a gift card from my birthday) some new pans. I've really been dying for some Rachel Ray anodized pans, but I can't afford them. So, I used my Target gift card to purchase a 2 pack of Kitchen Aid hard-anodized pans (an 11 inch skillet and a griddle) that were on sale. I desperately needed new pans, especially with all the cooking and baking I've been doing lately. They are SO pretty. I can't wait to cook on them tonight!

I've been testing out lots of new recipes on the boyfriend. Of course I never think they are good enough, but he always loves them. This may sound very 1950's of me (which is weird since at work they consider me a feminist) but I love cooking for my Boyfriend. When it's just me I don't usually bother to cook much. However, watching him enjoy eating the dinner I made, having him tell me it was good right before he promptly falls asleep with a full stomach.... well, it's oddly satisfying.

Back in the right direction.

2009-07-31T18:58:00.003-04:00

After gaining a pound last week, I got things moving in the right direction again this week. I lost 2 pounds this week. I'm at 214.2. Yay!

I really need to keep things moving down. Can't wait to be in the 100's. I haven't been there since like 7 years ago.

So much stuff to write about... my rewards program, an odd smelling pie, the 5K tomorrow morning.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll have much more time. For now, I'm tired and need to rest up for the race. I'm a little nervous since I haven't ran much lately, but oh well.

Tomorrow at 7:15 I'll be starting my 3rd 5K of this year.

It's getting hot in here....

2009-07-28T22:13:00.007-04:00

... from all my baking this summer! Tonight was another night of baking. All this baking isn't going to be good for my weight loss venture, but it's good for my sanity. I'm just stressed a little and worried a lot lately. So, I guess the weight loss/exercise thing has taken a back seat for the past 2 weeks or so. I'm exhausted because I didn't sleep well last night. So, instead of going to the gym I stayed home tonight, played a little Wii Fit, watched the first episode of More to Love (which is so far very intriguing), and did some more baking.

Tonight was another first.... my first attempt at making homemade biscotti. It was a much longer process than I thought it would be. I had no idea that biscotti are twice-baked type of cookie. Still, I feel accomplished with all my "fancy" treats lately. And the people at work are loving me right now because I'm bringing in the treats so they can eat them all, instead of me eating them all.

Behold, the chocolate biscotti:

At least now I've got a basic foundation down for the biscotti and scone making. Now, I can start to experiment with flavors and ingredients. Ah, baking (when it's for myself and just for fun, not when I'm being paid to) soothes me.

At least they are good for my soul....

2009-07-27T22:56:00.004-04:00

Now, these may not be necessarily good for my body, but they were good for my soul. I was feeling a little down today so I tried to keep myself busy. Keeping myself busy took the form of baking. I totally heart baking. I'd never made scones before and they always seemed like something too "fancy" for me to make. I gave it a shot and made some chocolate chip scones. I ate one and I didn't think they were sweet enough. I guess scones aren't supposed to be super sweet?That's fine with me, but if I'm not going to add anymore sugar, then I think next time I will dial down the baking powder a little bit. I think it tends to make things taste a little bitter to me.

Anyway.... here's my scones. I added a little chocolate on top for a little extra sweetness and some decoration:

Early Bird Special

2009-07-25T16:33:00.006-04:00

My eating schedule seems to be off the norm today, so I ate an early dinner/late lunch... but I don't plan on eating a big dinner since I've got lots of things to do today and will be going to the Boyfriend's parents' house later for a little get together.

I may have a green monster sometime around 8:00 to tide me over.

Anyway... I was getting hungry so I made a veggie quesadilla and some baked sweet potato chips.

Veggie Quesadilla:

- 2 whole grain La Tortilla Factory tortillas

- Some low fat shredded cheddar

- Assorted veggies (in mine: mushrooms, spinach, onions, red, yellow, and green peppers.)

- whatever spices you like

- Salsa on the side for dipping

-Spray one side of tortilla with PAM (or whatever version of cooking spray you like). Place sprayed side down on a baking sheet. Put on the veggies and cheese, top with another tortilla sprayed with PAM.

-Bake at 400 degrees until tortilla gets crunchy and cheese is melted.

For the baked sweet potato chips: I just sliced up the sweet potato. sprayed and seasoned the chips, then baked (turning chips over half-way through) for about 30 minutes.

Yum!

Weigh-In and Weekend.

2009-07-25T11:13:00.008-04:00

Well, this week was rough. I wasn't feeling well and was SUPER tired. I think it's almost time for that ugly TOM to rear it's head. So, I really haven't exercised much, and most days I ate a little more than I should have, and I slept A LOT! I tried to get things back under control towards the end of the week, but I still ended up with a big fat GAIN this week. Boo!!! I gained 1 pound. Time to put a stop to that business. I'm at 216.2 now and I definitely don't wanna get any higher.

Next week, I'm definitely back on track. My 3rd 5K run is this coming Saturday! I'm a little nervous, but not too bad. I'm getting used to the idea of doing one of these every month. I didn't run as much as I should have since the last race, but I definitely did better than I did between the 1st and 2nd race.

Anyway.... tonight I'm hanging with the boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in 6 days so I'm really looking forward to it.

Last night I saw "The Ugly Truth" with my sister. It was pretty good. I love Katherine Heigl and the movie had some really funny parts. Also... don't forget the cutie, Gerard Butler.

Just made a little lunch. Lately I'm obsessed with making these tuna melt things. Total for both pieces ends up being around 300 calories. Just build them and bake them for a few minutes at 375 degrees. I use:

- a 100 calorie whole grain english muffin

- 1 can of light tuna (in water, not oil) which is about 100 calories.

- 1 tsp of light mayo

- I usually try to add in some sort of veggies to the tuna "salad", like celery or some zucchini.

- 2 slices of fat free American cheese.

Well, I'm off to play some Wii Fit, then hopefully to the gym, then a little shopping and just hanging out waiting for the Boyfriend to get off work. It's completely rainy and stormy here today. Yuck.

Final Birthday Update (I swear!)

2009-07-20T21:32:00.011-04:00

Saturday was tons of fun. Too many drinks were had and too much bad food was eaten this weekend. Blah. Now I have to try to make up for it.... despite the fact that I'm totally not in the mood. Hopefully I can get things back in gear this week. It was totally worth it though. I had quality time with my fabulous friends and my awesome boyfriend! Here are 2 of my favorite parts of the weekend.....

Natalie, Me, and Anna (Mrs. B) at the bar after going to the comedy club:

Me and my cutie-patootie boyfriend (who brought me 2 dozen pink roses that evening. What a smart boy!):

I got a Wii Fit for my birthday! Yay! I've been wanting one for a while... and my awesome friends pooled their money together and got me one. Woo hoo! Anybody else have one? Any game recommendations for the balance board?

Have a good week everyone!

Yesterday's Weigh-In and Clean Eating

2009-07-18T09:50:00.011-04:00

First, I only lost .4 pounds this week. Boo! That puts me at 215.2, which means I didn't meet that goal of 215 by my birthday. Darn close though. Next week I'm really going to work hard and hopefully have a loss of over 2 pounds (at least that's what I'm hoping for). Though tonight may work against that goal as tonight is my birthday party. Me, the Boyfriend and 7 other friends are going to a comedy club across the river in Kentucky then we are going several bars/debaucherous (is that a word? It is now.) places. I'm sure some debaucherous behavior will ensue (such as me consuming empty calories in the form of birthday drinks, and hopefully no bad food!). Should be a fun time though. I got a new summer dress type thing to wear to the party (going shopping for shoes later today! Fun!). The best part was that I bought the dress from the REGULAR WOMEN'S SIDE OF THE STORE! Yay for me! That hasn't happened in quite some time. So, hopefully I'll feel like a hottie when I put it on, just knowing that it came from the regular side of the store. That fact is enough to put some major pep in my step.

Yesterday, I attempted Amy's challenge of the week... eating clean for one day. Before I show you what I ate, I would just like to say: Man, it's hard to eat clean. It's more expensive, less convenient, and so far I see less variety. I'm not knocking it... if you can do it, more power to you for not having all those chemicals in your body. However, I would like to say that lately I am getting a little fed up with people who are taking a "holier than thou" approach to those of us that do eat processed foods. I know that some of the things I eat are bad for me... too much sodium, or too processed, but it's not like those are the only things I eat. Most days I definitely get in my 3-5 servings of fruits and vegetables and I don't see the shame in eating a Lean Cuisine for lunch at work every now and then. So.... bite me! (yes, I'm a little sassy this morning.) I try to eat healthy and I'm eating much healthier than I ever have. So, why don't other people just stick to minding their own food and stop judging others who may be doing the best they can. I hate people sometimes.

Anyway... it was cool to try eating completely clean for a day. I can say that I won't be doing it everyday. I'm not a Rockefeller and can't afford to pass up on some cheap processed stuff sometimes. I also am a very busy woman most of the time and like to have some convenience food every now and then (Lean Cuisines, sandwiches with processed bread, etc.).

For breakfast I had my very first Green Monster.

Despite that I keep seeing other people in blogland having these, I was still skeptical of the taste. But it was fantastic. Mine looked more brown than green with yesterday's ingredients.

For lunch I had an almost exact repeat of last nights salad (minus the Morning Star veggie cake, added some mushrooms and zucchini) and I forgot to take a picture of it. Bah!

For dinner I decided to make stuffed peppers. They were fabulous! In mind I had ground turkey, mushrooms, zucchini, peppers, onions, and a tiny bit of cheese on top. Served with brown rice.

All in all... I had some pretty tasty food yesterday. I will definitely be making those peppers again.

Today I am going to the gym, going shopping, and clean up the apartment a little bit.... then my birthday extravaganza starts. Yippee!!!

Have a great weekend!

Nervous.

2009-07-16T20:54:00.007-04:00

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm scared. I don't really have that much reason to be, but for some reason every time I've peeked at the scale this week, it's been a little higher than last week and not moving a whole lot. I know that based on what I have eaten this week, mathematically I should have a loss tomorrow, but the flippin' scale isn't moving like I want it to. I was really just aiming for like a 1 pound loss this week since it's my birthday week and I knew I'd be splurging a little bit. (Went to the Mongolian Grill last night with my mom, sister, and Mrs. B. Then went and saw the new Harry Potter movie. Yay!)

The only thing I can think of that I did differently this week is that I started eating fiber bars for breakfast again. I hadn't eaten any bars for like 3-4 weeks before this past Monday. I think next week I won't have any and we'll see what happens.

I had an awesome salad for dinner tonight. The picture doesn't do it justice. I had some bagged salad mix (romaine, iceberg, radicchio, etc) with a crumbled Morning Star Farms Southwestern Style Veggie Cake, carrots, a little bit of corn, some salsa, and some homemade guacamole that I made. I'm trying to incorporate a little avocado into my diet since it's loaded with the good fats (despite the fact that it's high calorie/high fat). I swear, it just looks a weird color in the picture... it was delicious!

I may do something along these lines again tomorrow when I attempt Amy's challenge of the week... eating clean for one day.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

2009-07-14T18:07:00.004-04:00

Today I turned 27 years old. I feel old. 30 is just around the corner. But despite that... I still love my birthday. The week of my birthday has always been a big deal to me and I don't feel one bit ashamed for letting everyone know just how excited I get about my birthday! I love it! It's the one time of year that I can guilt all my friends into getting together at one time to do something fun. This year a couple have crapped out on me (but I guess I can let it slide since one just had a baby 2 weeks ago and the other is 8 months pregnant. lol).

So today... I was bought lunch. I had a healthy splurge and got a whole wheat tuna wrap and some pretzels. It was ok... nothing too spectacular, but still at least it was something new and different (and free! Thanks Tonja!)

That's all for now. More about my birthday later.... yes, there will be at least a couple birthday post. It's a week long celebration in my world. :-)

Weigh-In Day

2009-07-10T17:11:00.003-04:00

Well, despite the fact that I didn't do as great this week with the eating and exercise... I still had pretty good results. Down another 2.8 pounds this week! Woo hoo! That puts me at 215.6. I had a goal of 215 by my birthday (which is this coming Tuesday!) and now I think it's totally possible.

:-)

I'm really in disbelief!

2009-07-09T20:36:00.002-04:00

I just ran my farthest (and longest time) consecutively!!! I really can't even believe it myself! I ran 1.1 miles (14 minutes) straight with no stopping!!! Not a big deal to a lot of people, but a MAJOR milestone for this chubby girl.

I never thought I would be able to do that. Really... even doing the C25K program, running a whole mile straight was still seeming like an impossible goal for me.

I don't think I've ever felt more accomplished or proud of myself. So, yeah... I'm tooting my own horn right now! Yay for me!!!

I'm cheating on my boyfriend with a man named Joe.

2009-07-06T20:42:00.007-04:00

You probably know Joe. (a.k.a.- T.J. or Trader Joe). Well, I guess it's not cheating if my boyfriend knows about it, right? haha.

Anyway... a trip to Trader Joe's makes me SO happy (and a little frazzled). I get so excited and want to get so much that my brain gets a little scrambled. Suddenly I can't think of what meals to make, what ingredients to put together, what to buy. Next thing you know, I've crammed my basket full of random goodies and can't even remember what I grabbed. But then I get home and I see all my treasure for the evening.....

... and it's an oddly comforting feeling.

Until the panic sets in again when I think "Now, how do I decide what to eat for dinner?"

Weekly Challenge

2009-07-05T12:14:00.010-04:00

This week our weekly challenge for Amy's 15 Week Challenge was to recreate an "unhealthy" meal in a healthier way. I chose to do pizza... because I love pizza. And I don't get to eat it too often anymore

I used:
-Trader Joe's frozen Naan (one piece of naan makes a pretty decent sized slice of pizza).
-Trader Joe's marinara sauce (though I'm sure you could use whatever sauce you like).
-Assorted veggies. (I had mushrooms, green peppers and banana peppers on mine).
-Low-fat shredded mozzarella cheese.

Just build your slice, pop it in the oven at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes and there ya go.

(Please excuse my crappy picture. Took it with my phone.)

They are darn tasty!!! Usually I eat mine with a side salad and one slice of pizza and it totally fills me up. Depending on what sauce, cheese and veggies you use... one large slice is around 200-250 calories. Even the Boyfriend liked it!

I'm celebrating by taking a nap.

2009-07-04T12:03:00.004-04:00

Quick Update:
Did my second 5K race this morning with my BFF, Mrs. B! Yay for us!

The last race I finished in 46:48. It looks like (still waiting on the "official" results) I finished this one in 42:42!!! Holy crap, people! I shaved like 4 minutes off my last time! Woo hoo!

And now... I think it's time for a nap.

Weigh-In Day!

2009-07-03T07:48:00.004-04:00

Well.... It's weigh-in day! For the first time I was excited for it to get here. I lost 3 pounds this week! I can't believe it! Well, I worked really hard this week, so maybe I can believe it. I don't know if maybe last week I was just carrying around some water weight, or maybe it's all the bananas I've been eating (I've never really liked bananas but been trying to learn to eat them to help with all the sore muscles and stuff from exercising... which I've done 4 times this week so far!), or maybe it's because I've been really good about keeping my calories low and eating often to keep my metabolism up. Or maybe it's just a combination of all 3. No matter what caused it... I'll take it. This is the least I have weighed in 3 years!

I joined Amy's 15 Week Challenge. Unfortunately I signed up and sent her my weight before I had found out that I gained a pound last week. So for the 15 Week Challenge, I really only lost 2 pounds this week based on what I had told her was my starting weight. Still pretty awesome though.

This week was especially tough because of all the obstacles at work. There was a free ice cream social (and I gave my ticket for free ice cream away to a co-worker). There was a 4th of July potluck lunch. I made this cake for the lunch.

It was very well received by everyone. Then I got hounded to get some food. So I went and put some food on a plate (to appease my saboteurs) and then gave it to a co-worker as well. All in all, I think I did pretty great resisting the temptation.

I just really want to get past the "wall" that I always get stuck at. Technically I am past the 219-220 hump that I always start my self-sabotage around, but I won't consider myself truly past it until I reach at least 215 or so. I can hear the 100s calling my name. Only 18.4 pounds away.
Tomorrow is my 2nd 5K race of the year. I'm still a little scared. I know I still won't be able to run the whole thing. But I want to finish in under 45 minutes at least. I finished the last one in 46:48 . I'm still stuck on week 4 of my C25K. It just never seems to get much easier so I'm reluctant to move on to Week 5 but next week I'm hoping to give it a real shot. Tomorrow is also a 4th of July BBQ at the Boyfriends parents' house. Hopefully I can survive it without undoing all the hard work I've done this week... at least I'll get in 5K before all the unhealthy food comes looking for me.

That's all for now, kids. Have a fabulous weekend!

Moving on....

2009-06-28T20:31:00.007-04:00

Not gonna lie... this weekend I have ate a TON of terrible stuff. (which as mentioned in my previous post, I believe is some form of self-sabotage.) However, now I'm hoping to get back on track... again and move past it. I ate so much bad stuff that today I actually started to crave healthy things.

In happier/healthier news... Last week I had bought some 100 calorie packs of almonds and walnuts mixed. They were pretty good. It made me realize how much I loved almonds. I had no idea! So, this time when I went to the store I decided to just get the packs with only almonds. Then I saw these...

Oh My Goodness..... these are currently the bright spot of my whole weekend! Delicious!

Other than that, I had a pretty relaxing weekend. Friday night I went out to dinner with the BFF and Natalie, then we played a little Rock Band, which was pretty darn fun. I was bad and had one of these at dinner. It was huge! (and tasty.)

Weigh-In

2009-06-27T19:01:00.003-04:00

Well... yesterday was weigh-in day for me. I gained a pound. This always happens. Of all the times I have attempted to lose weight, I always, ALWAYS get stuck around 220-219. Once I start to get close to breaking that barrier, somehow I always sabotage myself. It would seem that since I've become aware of this problem, that I could overcome it.... but that's not happening. So once again, I got close... and now I've gained a pound.

I don't know what makes me do it. I'm struggling to stop that pattern. I'm trying not to let 1 pound be a big deal, to keep on pushing, to not give up like I always do.

It's a life long struggle, and that really sucks.

Because everyone is beautiful in their own way....

2009-06-23T20:59:00.005-04:00

... I think I'm joining the movement. Yes, I am on the road to losing weight... and I intend to keep on going to make myself a healthier person and feel better. But over the past year or two I've come to accept myself more than I ever did in the past. Can't hurt to encourage other people. Everyone could use a kind word now and then.

Check out Operation Beautiful

But I don't wanna.....

2009-06-22T19:20:00.006-04:00

I don't want to go to the gym. Not one tiny, little, microscopic bit!

(But.... I'm going to go anyway.) :-P

Over-eater

2009-06-20T16:44:00.006-04:00

That's me. I'm an over-eater. I've tried to get a handle on it since I am trying to lose weight afterall. Today I did pretty good.... but then since it was summer I decided to indulge in some summer "treats". Fresh watermelon and homemade iced tea. (and yes, that is a Hungry Girl book on the coffee table. Good stuff, you should read it and/or visit the website.)

The problem is... I over ate. Too much watermelon and too many bagel chips. Now I'm too stuffed (I hate that feeling) and bloated from all the sodium in the bagel chips. Blah.

Bad, chubby girl, bad!

Oh well... learned my lesson for next time. (hopefully)

Now I'm off to sit outside in this lovely 95 degree heat we have going on here in Cincinnati and watch the Reds and the White Sox.

Weigh-In and the Weekend

2009-06-20T14:16:00.006-04:00

Well, I lost 1 .6 pounds this week! Yay for me!

Got to hang out and have dinner with the Boyfriend last night. We went to the Mongolian Grill which I am VERY excited about. It was delicious! Thanks to my BFF, Mrs. B, I found out that on their website you can build your meal and see the nutritional value… so it wasn't too unhealthy. I loaded up on the veggies. I still had about 3/4 cup of rice, but at least I picked the steamed brown rice. Today I went and picked up my bridesmaids dress for my friend Tonja's wedding and I was scared it wouldn't fit, as they ordered me a size 16 (and often those dresses run small) and I can barely fit into a size 16 pants. But...... it TOTALLY fit! Woo hoo! It's a little snug in the stomach area, but I have 12 weeks till the wedding so I hope to lose another 15 pounds by then.

Tonight the Boyfriend and I are going to a baseball game with our friends, Tonja and Jason. Should be fun. Sunday I plan to hang out with my little sister and do lots of laundry.

These are my current favorite snack. Trying not to inhale the whole bag of bagel chips, though even if I did... it's only be 280 calories and 4 grams of fat. Yum.

Randomness: Here's a pretty cake I made this week for a guy at work. It was his birthday… and I only ate a tiny little slice, I swear.

At least he always says he's sorry....

2009-06-18T17:58:00.004-04:00

So… this week hasn't been as good as I had hoped. It was hard to get back on the wagon. I really haven't eaten terribly though. I was at around 1750 calories each for Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I did a little better and managed to stay at 1500. Today was rough (as I was taken out to lunch at work), but I still hope to keep it at 1600. Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm really hoping for at least a 1 pound loss, though I won't be surprised if it's not that much.

I haven't exercised much this week. I totally suck. I should have worked out more and I have no good reason that I didn’t, except that I was tired and lazy. For your entertainment, here is one story of why I am so tired. The Boyfriend stayed over 2 nights this week. He was super tired and true to form, fell fast asleep and started snoring. (Side note: I'm convinced that forcing someone to listen to someone else snore when they are tired should be some form of torture used in war. It drives me mad!) He's usually pretty good about me waking him up and saying "Roll over. You're snoring." He usually just turns over onto his stomach and the snoring stops. I don't know if it's because he was so tired or what…. But that wasn't happening this time. He says he remembers none of these conversations.

Conversation 1:
Me: Dude, you're snoring.
BF: (says nothing, rolls to his side, which doesn't really help his snoring situation)
Me: (said in a very unfriendly tone) Hey, one of us is about to go sleep on the couch tonight. Guess who it's gonna be?
BF: Sorry. (rolls over)

Conversation 2:
Me: (elbows the BF) Hey, roll over.
BF: What? Huh?
Me: ROLL OVER! You're still snoring!
BF: Ok. (Just lays there and doesn't roll over… starts snoring again)
Me: (at this point I'm sitting up in the bed and speak to him in a very calm tone) Seriously… I am about to smother you with a pillow.
BF: Oh, sorry. (Rolls over)

So yeah…. at least he always says he's sorry.

Now, I'm off to take a nap.

I fell....

2009-06-14T22:43:00.006-04:00

Yup, I tried to resist... but I fell off the wagon again this weekend. Friday I did great. Saturday started out great, but then it was just all downhill. I had a great time with my 2 pregnant friends (and the 18 month old daughter of one of them) though.

I can't take it back, so it's time to just start over and get back on the wagon again. Tomorrow is a new day. I partially blame my weakness on the baby. I was distracted from my healthy diet by her cuteness! haha. (Excuses, excuses...)

Weigh-In

2009-06-12T18:34:00.003-04:00

Somehow (not sure how, but I'll definitely take it!) I am down 2.6 pounds this week! Woo hoo!

Let's just hope I can stay on track this weekend. Weekends are always hard anyway... but this weekend will definitely be hard as I'll be traveling to Columbus to visit with 2 of my friends that are currently both pregnant.

So, I have to keep in mind that though they will be "eating for 2" that doesn't mean it's ok for me to do it also.

I had a chocolate peanut butter shake.....

2009-06-11T20:16:00.004-04:00

... and it's only like 60 calories!!!

~ Made with unsweetened vanilla Almond Breeze, my new Walden Farms peanut spread, fat free/sugar free chocolate pudding mix, and ice. Yum!

Food!

2009-06-10T22:24:00.013-04:00

So much food to blog about and so little time.....

I was wandering in the grocery store the other day and saw this caramel dip that said "calorie free" on the front. I was intrigued so I bought it. Turns out this brand (Walden Farms) is a whole line of stuff that is no calories, no fat, no sugar, no gluten, no cholesterol, and no preservatives. I'd never heard of this stuff before. This of course led to me believe that either A) It's magic!!! or B) It's made of something that scientist will eventually determine to just be carcinogens in a jar! However, the ingredients list on the side was neither super long, nor super scary. I tried it and it taste pretty darn good! The only way I would be able to tell it's not regular caramel dip is that the consistency is a little different.

Since the caramel dip was good, I decided to get the peanut butter spread. It's also pretty good, but the consistency, again, is not like the regular product. It's a little more fluffy and less sticky feeling than regular peanut butter. I'm thinking of trying to use this for one of my "crackshakes" that I have read about on many other blogs, but first learned about here. (I've had 2 strawberry crackshakes this week and they were fabulous!)

I also FINALLY found some Vitatops. I'd been looking at all the stores around here. I'm going to give those a try tomorrow.... though I'm sure I'll love them.

Then today I had to make this for work (and then also try not to eat the whole thing!):

I want to be a runner!

2009-06-09T18:41:00.010-04:00

I always have tons of things I want to blog about, but never seem to have the time. Anyway, here's the story of my first 5K race:

My official time was 46:48. Before the race I told myself that I wanted to finish in under 45 minutes, but I would settle for under 50 minutes. I guess that's exactly what I got. I hope to finish the next race (even though I don't know what that course is like yet) in under 45 definitely. The morning didn't start out great. It was like a comedy of errors.....

The Boyfriend and I got up early thinking that we were going to have a good breakfast so I'd have some decent fuel for the race. He was going to get up and make me pancakes and turkey sausage... but somehow we didn't end up having enough time. It was a sad state of affairs in my kitchen that morning. We ended up with 3 pancakes and that was it. So I inhaled them as we were running out the door (the Boyfriend let me have them all) and grabbed a bottle of Powerade. Then as we're about half a mile from home, I realize that I left my bib for the race at home so we have to turn around and get it (and we're already running a little late at this point). When we get back to my apartment I jump out of the car (and almost get accidentally hit by the car), run in and get my number and we're back on the road. We are on the way to the race and I'm sorting some music on my mp3 player to prepare for the race and we somehow pass up our exit on the highway... so we have to drive 5 miles up to the next exit, get off the highway, turn around, and get back on the highway. We made it to the race in time since we had planned on getting there early, but I arrived a bit flustered and aggravated.

As we were waiting for the race to start I was getting VERY nervous and kept thinking "I don't wanna do this anymore"... though I knew I would have to.

Then we were off......

It turned out to be much harder than I thought! I knew it would be hard... but I was still shocked. The worst part was it wasn't like I was so out of breath or my heart was racing... but that running on the pavement and the hills make my legs sooooo tired. I'd slow down and be ready to start running again, and as soon as my legs would hit the pavement my knee would hurt and my legs would feel instantly exhausted again. However, I pushed through. I didn't do as well as I hoped I would and I had to keep motivating myself in my head the whole time. (even thought of The Biggest Loser this past season and when they did that whole 26 mile marathon.) At least I finished. I can say I did it... and I can get ready for the next race. Mrs. B and I finished 1st and 2nd in our age group.... though we were the only ones in our age group. hahaha. But, I still got a medal for being 1 out of 2.

I started a "5K Wall" above my desk at home. Mrs. B and I are aiming to do 1 5K race every month from now until October. So, hopefully by the end of this year my wall will be full and I will be able to really, truly run. I want to be a runner. I never thought I would be able to even come close to being one... and now I feel like it could be in my near future.

We did it!

2009-06-07T15:38:00.004-04:00

Well, this morning was our first ever 5K! Whoa... it was harder than I thought it was gonna be. My BFF, Mrs. B, and I are hoping to do one 5K race every month from now until October... so I've got to really start training hard to get better at this stuff. Anyway, more on the race later. I'm still tired and recovering. haha. But here's a picture of me finishing the race...

Inspiration

2009-06-07T11:15:00.009-04:00

Wonder Woman, Stormy Vawn, gave me and 7 other bloggers an award. Aw, thanks! Her blog is totally inspiring and makes you feel like we aren't alone in this weight-loss/get fit journey that a lot of us are on. You should definitely check it out.

So, the award "rules" state:
These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

So, these are 8 who often inspire, motivate, and entertain me.

~Breaking up with Burgers
~Ash is Fit
~Fat Girl Unleashed
~Angie All the Way
~A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare
~One Pound at a Time
~Kate is Losing It
~Let's Get Fit!

It's a big deal to me!

2009-05-28T13:08:00.003-04:00

Well, I took a HUGE break from running... like a month, seriously! I was highly disappointed in myself. Since I am on vacation from work this week I decided that I had to make myself go to the gym almost everyday. Well... that didn't happen. My first trip to the gym was Wednesday (yesterday) and I tried to restart my C25K on week 3. Week 3 is 90 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking, 3 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking... then repeat.

Man, oh, man... it was HARD! I couldn't believe it. I left the gym feeling defeated and down, thinking to myself "I'll never be able to jog a whole mile straight. I suck." Despite all that, I got up today and was still determined to go. (Our 5K is in like a week and a half!!!). So I went, and completed week 3 with no problem! I guess my body just needed a little jump start and then it was ready to go again?

So, I completed week 3 and then decided just to run until I felt pretty winded. I made it 2/3 of a mile (8 minutes) without stopping!!! Yay for me! That's probably not a big deal to people who are in great shape... but that's a huge deal for me!!! I feel accomplished!

This weekend I am going camping with my friends and the Boyfriend. Should be fun. I hope to at least get in a little jog during the weekend. Then, when I come back I am going to try to go to the gym almost every day since the 5K is next weekend. I really want to be able to jog a whole mile before we do the 5K. I won't be able to run the whole 3.1 miles straight, but I want to finish in 45 minutes or less.

Again... Yay me! :-)

Spring Cleaning

2009-05-26T12:33:00.007-04:00

I always feel so much happier and better when things are clean, as I'm sure a lot of people do. The ironic thing is that for as much as I hate mess, I hate cleaning just as much. My life and apartment have felt so cluttered lately... and I hate it.

So, I'm on vacation from work all week this week and have decided to accomplish all the cleaning and organizing that I had planned during my last vacation from work (during which I accomplished absolutely nothing). Yesterday was a loss. I ate WAY too much, probably gained like 3 pounds in 1 day and didn't do a whole lot besides make some rockin' healthy enchiladas for dinner.

Today I woke up early to say goodbye to the Boyfriend when he left for work, but then I couldn't fall back asleep. So I stayed up and cleaned. I washed EVERY dish I own (because most of them were dirty) and then cleaned out my fridge. Blech! I don't think I've done that since I moved in this apartment. Gross! But I did it and then washed all the resulting dirty tupperware/dishes from cleaning out the fridge. This is now what my poor, sad, empty fridge looks like.

Ah, yes.... the essentials of life: cans of Diet Mt. Dew, coffee, beer, eggs, strawberries and fat free Cool-whip. Seriously?!?! It looks like my fridge in college! Who knew I actually had so little real food in there?

I HAVE to go to the gym today. Our 5K is in less than 2 weeks. I definitely won't be able to run the whole thing. I've given up on that dream. However, I would at least like to run half of it. I gotta get a serious move on!

Biggest Loser Finale

2009-05-12T23:00:00.003-04:00

Tara was robbed of her victory! I'm sad she didn't win. She was so close! She had won more challenges than anyone and never fell below the yellow line. I wish she had won, but she's still my favorite... and totally amazes me.

I blame the tumor....

2009-05-05T19:05:00.005-04:00

I haven't blogged in a while... things are just busy and blah lately.

I haven't been keeping up with my C25K. I haven't been eating great. Somehow I have managed not to gain any weight... even lost like .4 pounds. That can probably be attributed to all the stomach problems I've had lately though. Couldn't actually keep much food in my body. I just haven't been feeling well lately (as usual).

I blame the tumor. I blame the tumor for everything these days though.The doctor has recommended that I have an abdominal myomectomy to remove it. Having major surgery scares me, but at the same time... I am so frustrated and angry about never feeling good and having this thing, that I think I'm going to just do the surgery. I'm just scared to have it because it could mean no children for me, but at this point the thing is taking up so much space that leaving it in isn't going to help me much either. (and it's making my life miserable).

That's all for now.... I'm tired and feel gross. So I'm going to eat dinner and go to bed. Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm still here. Hopefully soon I'll be back to my old self.

I Heart Trader Joe's....

2009-04-20T18:35:00.005-04:00

I had a girls' day out today with my BFF, Anna. (I even got to take a half-day of vacation from work). I've just been feeling down the past few weeks and thus my diet and exercise has suffered the past few days. After our little road trip today I feel renewed and much happier. She's the best! I had fun! We went to the outlet malls and had a grand ol' time without spending much money.

Then we took an impromptu trip to Trader Joe's. I had never been there, but had been dying to go. The closest one to me is about 15-20 minutes away though. We went and I was SUPER surprised! The prices are pretty reasonable. They have TONS of healthy/organic options that are also flavorful.... and they have a lot of unique things. I'm SO excited. I only spent like 20 bucks while we were there.... but got quite a bit of stuff. Lots of new meals and snacks to try.

Definitely more on this topic later!

New Foods

2009-04-18T20:56:00.011-04:00

I've never had polenta before, but since nothing lately sounds good, I've been wanting to try new things. I found this at my new favorite produce/natural foods store down the street... sundried tomato and garlic polenta.

I've never cooked polenta before so I was trying out some things and made this (sorry for the blurry pic)...

It's slices of polenta topped with chicken, black beans, various peppers, and fat free mozzerella. Overall, it wasn't too bad. Next time I think I'll cook the topping and polenta separately so that the polenta will get a little more firm.

Just trying to broaden my food horizons.....

This week's results...

2009-04-18T16:31:00.005-04:00

Well, I only lost .8 pounds this week. Not as much as I had hoped, but at least the numbers are still going down. Considering that I couldn't work out much last week, I guess a .8 is pretty good.

It's getting a little harder this week to eat healthy for some reason. I've been feeling much closer to giving in to bad things most days. But I'm trying to resist and find healthier versions of things I love. I think that maybe I'm just in a food rut as it's hard to eat healthy and quick, and I haven't felt like cooking much lately.

I found these at the grocery store....

I know they have had them in other brands for a while, but even the small portion in those brands wasn't healthy. Since this is the slow churned it's much lower in fat and calories. And the small size helps me, as I've always been a girl who could eat a whole pint of ice cream in one sitting.

I went shopping today at this awesome produce store near me that I never realized existed. They have lots of fresh and organic things. They also have a ton of products that I suppose could be deemed "unusual" or "ethnic foods"... or at least things I have a hard time finding in my regular store. I'll let you know how the new foods/recipes turn out.

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Quick Update

2009-04-15T22:20:00.009-04:00

So, I only lost .4 pounds last week, but that's better than I had thought as I had done very badly the weekend before that.

Last weekend I tried to keep things in check so they didn't get as out of hand. I didn't do a whole lot better, but overall it was an improvement (despite it being Easter weekend and being surrounded with bad food and lots of candy).

I haven't been able to make it to the gym much this week so far, so I'm behind on my C25K. Last Saturday I went and did my Week 3: Workout 3 (and then some) and must have overdid it again or something because this week I have been plagued by a hip injury. I went on Monday and barely made it through about 15 minutes of run/walking. I had to quit. My hip hurt so bad that I was about to cry. Tuesday it still hurt so I tried to take it easy and just did some slow walking and some arm/ab strength training. Tonight, I didn't go to the gym at all.... which totally sucks. I have done very well with my eating this week though. That part has almost become a habit. I want bad things ALL the time. There is NO doubt about that. And I'm always close to almost giving in.... but then I know how bad I would feel after and I think to myself "I choose not to be fat anymore!" And I turn the food down. This gets harder on the weekends though, I have to admit.

It's so weird that I used to have to try to force myself to go to the gym twice a week and now I hate if I miss one day during the week. My hip feels a little better tonight, so I'm hoping that tomorrow I will be able to start c25K Week 4: Workout 1.... which is going to be SO hard.

Wish me luck!

Hoping for the Best

2009-04-09T21:03:00.003-04:00

After trying all week to recover from the damage I did last weekend, I think I did pretty well. I stayed under 1400 calories every day and I went to the gym 3 days in a row. Tonight I burned over 600 calories (according to the machines at the gym) and did 4 miles! My C25K workout was a little rough since I was so tired, but I finished it and then did some extra. Overall, I'd say it was a good last chance workout. I am really hoping to have at least lost a pound this week, but with how crazy things were last weekend, I wouldn't be surprised if I just maintained.

I just downloaded all of Jillian Michaels' Podcast and can't wait to listen to them and put them on my mp3 player. She's my absolute favorite thing about The Biggest Loser every season. I love her!!! If I had a bunch of money, I'd totally try to get her as my trainer.

I Love My Heart

2009-04-08T18:49:00.001-04:00

I've learned a lot today about my heart rate. The stronger your heart is, the more blood it pumps with every beat. So if you are in really good shape, your heart will have to beat less to pump the amount of blood that your body needs. It works more efficiently the stronger it gets.

I remember back in school when they would teach you how to take your pulse. My resting heart rate was always in the 100 bpm (beats per minute) range. And everyone just always told me "that's ok. Girls hearts beat faster than guys hearts. You're fine." I was fine, I mean.... for the most part. Even as I got a little older, I always remember my resting heart rate being in the 90s at least. Today I learned that the average woman's heart rate should be around 75 bpm. The normal range is from 60-100, but they say that if your resting heart rate is consistently over 100 bpm, then you should see a doctor. Now, when I was a freshman in college, I know mine was always hovering around that 100-110 range... and that's not ok.

It's true that women's heart rates are usually slightly higher than men's. I would assume that's because stereotypically our bodies are smaller, so our hearts would be slightly smaller, so they would have to work a little harder. (but that's just a guess).

Anyway, today I decided to take my resting heart rate. The first time I did it, I got 67 bpm. I thought "that can't be right." So I took it again, and this time it was 76 bpm. (probably because I got myself all worked up thinking that 67 had to be wrong.) I'm totally impressed with my little hard working heart. Somehow, it's managed to get stronger. Which, I guess I kinda had some hints it was doing that, with how much easier things have gotten lately. Not that exercising is easy for me, but it is getting easier than I ever thought it would be, especially running. It makes me happy to know that not only am I doing this to lose weight (which will make me feel and look better) but that internally I am actually getting healthier and stronger. It makes me feel more in control of my health... which after I found out about 2 months ago that I have a Fibroid tumor, I wasn't feeling very optimistic about my health at all.

And here's a random fact that really amazed me: Lance Armstrong's heart is in such good shape that his resting heart rate is only 32 beats per minute!!! Wow!

So, how is your heart shaping up? :-)

Time to face the truth....

2009-04-07T23:18:00.001-04:00

Since so many of you are brave enough to do it.... I've finally faced the music and put my actual weight on the side with my Weigh-Ins. It's really hard for me to admit how much I weigh to people. But I'm doing this in the hope that this will be the last time in my life that I will ever have to be ashamed of how much I weigh.

Recovering

2009-04-07T19:44:00.005-04:00

So, I did very bad on Saturday, Sunday and even pretty much Monday. It's had me down in the dumps. Today I desperately needed to get back on track or risk slipping into this unhealthy eating/no exercise rut for a few weeks and gaining back the weight I have lost.

So, despite the fact that I'm tired, and don't feel well, and all the other excuses I've got going in my head... I dragged myself to the gym. Today I did the C25K Week 3: Workout 1. This means 90 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking, 3 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking (then repeat). I was just telling the BFF, Anna, today that I was feeling like running was impossible and I was starting to get scared if I could finish the 5k in under 60 minutes! Then I went to the gym and finished this C25K workout with no problem. Yay for me! I know that it's not a big feat for some people who can just run a few miles with no problem, but I've never been a runner. I never thought I could be a runner. I could do the elliptical until the cows come home... but not running. I used to get winded really quickly and my knees, ankles, and shins always hurt. Well, those things still hurt but I'm powering through. I even just ran to see how long I could run and I made it 4.5 minutes. I felt like I could do a little more, but didn't want to hurt myself. And that was at a speed of 4.7, which is a little faster than I have been running. I'm really hoping to be able to run the whole 5K without stopping, but that's a BIG goal. June 7th.... here I come!

Every time I finish one of the C25K workouts, I feel my confidence get boosted just a little more. (Now, if only I didn't have to make up for all the damage I did this weekend. Blah) My plan is to go to the gym both Wednesday and Thursday this week.

Blah....

2009-04-05T21:52:00.002-04:00

This weekend was a big ol' failure in the diet and exercise department. I feel disappointed in myself. Blah.

20/20 Challenge: Week 2 Results

2009-04-03T19:02:00.005-04:00

Before I begin: Apparently there was a problem with people being unable to comment on my blog... but I think I've fixed it now. (Let's hope).

Today has been a rough day. The boyfriend and I had a hectic morning (a slight lack of planning on his part created a bump in my usual morning routine, which didn't make me happy).

At my work and there is like this little walkway between our buildings, but it's like an overpass above the street below. So it's probably at least 30 feet up in the air. Anyway, I totally accidentally dropped my cell phone off of it while leaning against the railing and the front of it shattered into a million pieces. It still works (kind of) for the most part. But definitely not enough for me to deal with it for the next year. Blah. So, then work was crazy and I was grumpy.

I SO didn't want to go to the gym tonight. I am freaking EXHAUSTED! My whole body hurts and I'm tired and in a bad mood. But I went anyway and did my C25K Week 2: Workout 2..... and geez, it was ROUGH! I did manage to finish the whole 25 mins(5 min walking warm-up, 20 minutes of alternating running 90 seconds, walking 120 seconds) but I wasn't thrilled about it and I really had to push to get through those 90 second runs. Right now it seems absolutely impossible for me to run a 5K.

I am feeling down and defeated today. It's taking all my willpower not to just go eat pizza or something equally unhealthy for dinner. I've always been an emotional eater. I thought I did well this week with my eating and I worked out at least 3 times this week (which is way more than usual for me) and I've been taking the stairs at work. However, somehow I only lost 1 pound this week. 1 sad, little, lonely pound. At least it's a pound in the right direction. It's just hard to stay motivated today.

Hope you guys had a better day than I did.

C25K Week 2: Workout 1 Update

2009-04-01T19:16:00.002-04:00

Just got home from the gym from doing my C25K Week 2: Workout 1. I was soooooo tired today and I hadn't ran since Saturday, so I was a little scared. In week 2 you are running 90 seconds and walking 2 minutes. You alternate and do that for 20 minutes. And........ it wasn't that tough, surprisingly! I'm not saying it was a walk in the park, but I finished it with no problem. I felt that I could probably have ran longer than 90 seconds or sometimes waited less than 2 minutes.... but decided not to push it. After all, the c25k people made that schedule for a reason. And with my recent injuries, I need to not push myself too hard. I had learned some special stretches that are supposed to loosen up your shins and prevent/help shin splints. So, I did those yesterday, today at my desk while at work, and then right before my work out. The shin pain did decrease. It's not completely gone, but it wasn't too bad until near the end of the work out. There is still a decent amount of pain for about 10 minutes after my work out.... but at least it seems to be getting better. Time to go put ice on my shins!

P.S. - I love running! Yay! I always feel so spectacular and accomplished afterward!

Pushing through....

2009-04-01T17:22:00.008-04:00

So, let's start with my weekend. It was hard to eat below 1500 calories per day... as usual. I tried to keep it under control. However, Sunday was really hard since I had dinner at The Boyfriend's parents' house.

Saturday I went shopping for bridesmaid's dresses with my friend, Tonja. When it came time to get measured and order them, the saleswoman measured me as a 16! Yay! This also meant that I had narrowly avoided having to pay the "plus size fee" that starts with size 18 dresses. That would have costed me an extra $30 had I had to get the size 18. The 16 will be a little snug right now, but by the wedding I should be down to about a 14, so then I'll just have to get the dress taken in some. I've never not had to pay the extra money for plus size dresses. This is a first... and super exciting!

I weighed myself early (when I've been trying to wait until Friday) and somehow it says I've gained a pound, which I know can't be right. Even on the days that I cheat, I still don't go over what it would take to just maintain my weight and I've been below 1500 calories everyday this week. I'm hoping it's water weight. I've recently started taking birth control pills and I think they may be causing me to retain some extra water. Hopefully it will disappear by the Friday 20/20 Challenge weigh-in.

On Monday I went to a Zumba class with my friends Anna, Tonja, and Jason. I was a little nervous as I'm not a super coordinated person and it's kind of like a latin cardio dance class. It didn't turn out nearly as bad as I thought. I was able to catch on pretty quickly. I may not do the moves with "flair" but I at least get the technical aspects down and complete them. It is QUITE the workout. It felt awesome! And it was fun. That 45 minute workout just flew by. If you want to find a class in your area, you can check the Zumba website.

I'm pretty sure that what's going on in my shins is most likely shin splints. They are not fun. So, I've been trying to only exercise every other day until they get stronger and heal. So, I haven't ran since Saturday. I'm doing my c25k Week 2: Workout 1 tonight. It'll be interesting to see how tough it is. I'm really starting to enjoy running though! If you are super new to running (like me), I would recommend reading the "Complete Book of Women's Running". I got it on Amazon.com used for like $8. I like to read books on new hobbies, things in my life, etc. I'm a nerd. :-)

20/20 Challenge: Week 1 Results

2009-03-27T17:21:00.017-04:00

So, this week was pretty productive. I started the c25k program with my friends, Anna and Tonja. Which turned out to be harder than I thought. The first time I tried running on the treadmill at the gym (previously I had been trying to run outside) I think I tried to run too fast. So, on Thursday (after letting the muscle I pulled on Tuesday heal some) I took it down a notch and ran slower. I finished the whole session: 5 minutes of walking for a warm up. Then 20 minutes of alternating between 60 seconds running, then 90 seconds walking. I even did a little extra at the end on Thursday since I had to quit early on Tuesday because of my pulled muscle.
Turns out that running is much harder than I thought. I knew it would be rough, but geesh! About half way through my Week 1, Workout 2 I wanted to quit. But here is where they get ya.... It seems like the longest 60 seconds of your life when you are running and see those seconds slowly ticking by on the treadmill. But then it's over and you have 90 seconds of walking. Somehow, by the time those 90 seconds are almost up, you start to feel like "Yeah, I could probably run another minute." And that's the trick to it... just keep on pushing and somehow you always feel like you have another minute of running left in you. Running a 5k still seems impossible though, but I'm not giving up. It makes me feel sad to know that my heart and body are in such poor shape. But that's just even more motivation to exercise and eat healthy.

For food this week I did pretty spectacular, I think. Most days I was at or below 1400 calories. I like to think of myself as the queen of convenient and healthy dinners. I am by no means a gourmet cook, so they may not be the fanciest or best tasting meals, but they are pretty good... especially for during the week when I have no motivation to cook and used to just eat Lean Cuisines all the time. But now I am trying to eat foods that are fresher and have less preservatives (supposedly to help control my uterine tumor).

Some of you may not really care for this info, but then again it may spark dinner ideas for others so I'm going to include a list of my dinners:
Tuesday we had breakfast for dinner: Turkey sausage, whole wheat toast, whole wheat waffles, egg beaters with some fat free cheddar cheese. It was tasty.

Wednesday we had: grilled chicken breast with steamed rice and veggies.
Thursday we had: Side salads followed by whole wheat pasta with 1/2 cup garden vegetable marinara sauce, and these cute little crunchy breadsticks that are in the salad aisle at the grocery store. Only 60 calories in 3 of them. This is my boyfriend's plate. He had cheese, I did not. He's trying to lose some weight also, but he's allowed more calories than I am.

Not sure what I'll put on the menu for tonight, but I'm thinking probably grilled cheese (with low fat cheese) and soup.

Anyway... on to the results:I weighed in this morning and I've lost 2.8 pounds this week! Yay! I'm sure I could have worked a little harder to get 3 pounds even, but I think I did pretty freaking awesome this week.
Let's just hope I can make it through the weekend, that's always the toughest in terms of willpower to eat right and exercise. And I have dinner with The Boyfriend's parents on Sunday and I know they aren't going to make anything really healthy so I guess I'll just have to work out extra that day.

The BFF, Anna, said something about make a goals chart with dates/events and how much weight she would like to lose by that point. So, I thought I'd make one too. I already had one in my head, but I put it in writing now. I think I can acheive these goals. I've already surpassed the one for April 1st. Yay! I tried to add the chart on here, but it looked too blurry and you couldn't read it. So, I posted it at the very bottom of my blog page (if you scroll all the way down), even though it's still kind of blurry there.

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!

Ups and Downs...

2009-03-24T23:02:00.004-04:00

I had started the C25K program last week, but didn't stick with it very well. So this week myself and my friends Anna and Tonja decided to start as well. So we are all starting this week officially.

And then today at the gym... I pulled a groin muscle. Ugh! I hope it doesn't take me out of commission for too long. I need to work out!

I did manage to stay under 1400 calories for today though, so at least that's good. And the temptations at work are always plentiful with the people in my office.

I met the girls in my buddy group for the 20/20 Challenge. They both seem awesome and I hope we all keep each other motivated. I have faith that we can do it. :-)

Good day (so far).....

2009-03-23T21:25:00.004-04:00

Had a minor lapse over the weekend. I did well on Saturday, but then Sunday came.... and my enemy appeared more appealing than ever. The Boyfriend and I went to BW3's. I am such a sucker for some boneless wings with Asian Zing sauce! Darn it all! I caved. I instantly felt guilty. My problem with giving in to temptation is that when I trip, I tend to trip big time... like fall flat on your face kind of stuff. And it always seems to snowball. You get that mind-set of "well, I already cheated today so I'm not going to stay below the calories I wanted to anyway." That's always a trap for me. That's exactly the thought I was thinking a few hours after the BW3's incident when I wanted a Strawberry shake. However.... I didn't get it! Yay for at least a little bit of willpower yesterday.

Normally when I cheat on the weekends, it's really hard to get back on track on Monday. But today I did very well.

Breakfast - Yoplait yogurt and an apple (175 calories)
Lunch- Turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread w/ 100 calorie bag of popcorn. (250 calories)
Snack - Small bag of baked Lays (170 calories)
Dinner - Turkey Hot Dogs on light wheat buns w/ side of organic, steamed carrots and vegetarian baked beans. (700 calories)
Dessert: Mott's individual Strawberry Applesauce cup (50 calories)

Total today: 1345. Yay!

Now, hopefully off to bed so that I can get up and go running before work. I'm really trying, I swear.

Small Victories....

2009-03-21T19:31:00.003-04:00

Every pound I lose feels like encouragement. It makes me feel like I really can lose it. Small victories give you faith in yourself.

Even though I didn't do well last week, I attempted to get back on the wagon this week. I weighed myself again this morning and I've lost 5 pounds over the last 2 weeks. Yay for me!

Tonight, trying out a recipe from my new favorite blogger, Ashlee. Her recipes on her cooking blog always look so tasty and her weight-loss/fitness blog is really inspiring.

Overload....

2009-03-20T21:10:00.003-04:00

So, I did really well about 2 weeks ago. At around 1500 or less calories each day and lost 3.4 pounds that week. The next week, I fell off the wagon and barely paid any attention to what I was eating. I hadn't weighed myself since then because I was afraid because 1) I ate like crap and didn't exercise hardly at all. 2) I know I'm carrying around a bunch of water weight and stuff because I'm PMSing and feeling bloated.

This week, I am trying to get back on the wagon. I finally got one of the books I ordered in the mail "Healing Fibroids: A Doctor's Guide to a Natural cure". My new doctor (who is awesome, by the way) recommended that book. It's just that there is so much information out there and some of it's conflicting. It's just like learning information about losing weight/being healthy. You are bombarded with so many ways to make lifestyles changes to supposedly help yourself, that you know you can't possibly do them all. So, which ones do you choose?

Fibroids, for instance. To shrink, or just relieve symptoms these are some of the things they recommend:Eating organic foods. Being only a vegetarian, but some say you can't eat too much soy because that will make it grow. Doing yoga and meditation. Taking chinese herbs. Acupuncture. Taking a combination of certain vitamins. Making certain kinds of tea.
Now, there is no possible way I can do all of this. It's too expensive, too time consuming, and I just don't have the willpower to make all those changes in my life at one time. So I feel overwhelmed. And it's the same way with weight loss/healthy eating. There are so many "theories" and "programs" that can help you change your lifestyle to a healthier one. So, which one of those do you choose?

In the end, I've decided to just try to read all that information and put as much as I can into practice, even if it's in small ways. I know that it would be hard for me to afford only eating all natural, organic things. So, I've focused mainly on trying to get organic vegetables and organic chicken when I can... since I don't eat much red meat anyway and chicken is supposedly pumped full of hormones. (which I apparently already have too much off, since that's what causes the Fibroid tumors).
Anyway, I went to the grocery store Sunday night and bought organic carrots, organic, cucumbers, organic alfalfa sprouts (my fav! That I didn't know you could buy fresh at kroger!), organic apples, bagged salad, whole grain light bread, and turkey breast. It's a start. Just that cost me about 25 dollars!
I've tried to cut back on my caffeine intake, also. Since I'm a known Diet Mt. Dew addict... it has been rough.

I contemplated buying a treadmill or elliptical, but since I'm trying to save money and I already have a gym membership I've decided to wait. Instead, I bought a pair of gym shoes and have decided to take a stab at trying to run/walk every morning. I've always wanted to be a runner, but am afraid. It just seems so therapeutic. I am a very high-strung, high-stress, kinda gal. I don't want to be and I'm trying to think of methods to keep myself from getting so worked up. I have one bad ankle that never seems to want to let me run, but I'm hoping it's just weak and I'll get used to it. I also feel like I can't run because people are judging me... "Who's she kidding? At her size, she should know she can't run." or "Ew! Fat girl running, that's not a pretty sight."
But I'm trying to push all that out of my head for now and just focus on myself for a while, and not so much on other people. I feel like my health is deteriorating WAY too much for a girl my age. I'm only 26, for goodness sake! I shouldn't be having all these aches and pains and problems.

Here's hoping for a brighter future....

Starting Over....

2009-03-03T19:03:00.005-05:00

So, it's time to take inventory and recover.

After the tumor diagnosis, it became really easy to be depressed and throw caution to the wind. Nothing seemed like a big deal anymore. It was a catch 22 though. On one hand, I was feeling like I should live life to the fullest and not stress over things that wouldn't matter in the end: my weight, my debt that will probably always follow me, stress at work. However, not worrying about those things wasn't making me any happier. I basically just spent 2 weeks eating bad food, spending money frivolously, and slacking at work...... but I wasn't feeling any happier.

It turns out that I need those things to make me feel happy and productive and in control of my life. I'm not dying, so it's time to stop acting like I am! I want to lose weight and feel fabulous. I want to save money and pay off my debt so I can eventually buy things I want, like a house (or have the money to adopt a kid, if that's what comes of my tumor situation). I like working hard and taking pride in doing a job well... it makes me feel like a worthy human being.

So, I'm trying to get back on track. I've gained 5 pounds over the past 2 weeks because I was drowning my sorrows in food and alcohol. I spent money that I was intending to save, so now I've got to cut back. I slacked at work, so now I'm busy trying to catch up. The BFF, Mrs. B., put it best when she said " I really need to face the music and pay more attention to the consequences part of being an adult...". Amen, sister..... Amen.

This morning on the local radio station, the 2 female DJs were discussing weight and how most men have no perspective on what women weigh. How, if a guy hears about a girl that weighs like 200 pounds, in their heads they picture her as huge. The reality is that most women don't actually weight 120-130 pounds. Accept it guys. They asked local women to call in and say how old they were, how tall they were, and how much they weighed. It actually sounded very liberating for most of these women. Even the overweight women who called, they were congratulated on admitting the truth and and not shamed for what they weighed. In that spirit, I'm working on a separate blog entry to start my formal transition into changing my life and committing to make myself a healthier and happier person. (Don't have as much time right now, as I have a friend that will be here in about 5 minutes. haha)

Tumor Update: It's bigger than they thought, about 9 cm... the size of a softball. Which is totally freaking me out knowing that there is this thing that big living in my body. Especially considering that the average woman's uterus is only 8 cm big! My other doctor wasn't very helpful or supportive. So, long story short.... I've found a women who specializes in this type of stuff and I see her on Monday. Hopefully she will be able to answer the million questions I have about this thing.

Until next time.....

I've been tagged....

2009-03-01T12:17:00.006-05:00

Yup, my BFF, Anna (a.k.a.- Mrs B.) has tagged me for this little activity.

Here were the rules: Open the folder with all of your photos. Open your 6th photo folder. Take your 6th photo in that folder and blog it. Write something about it. Tag 6 fellow bloggers to do the same.

However, I don't think I really have anybody else to tag left. So, I'm skipping that part for now.

Here's the photo:

This pic is from July of 2008. This is at the Jimmy Buffet concert... which was the Most. Fun. I. EVER. Had! We were outside before the concert where there was like a little lawn festival/party going on. From right to left: Mrs. B, me, Tonja, and Tonja's boyfriend Jason.

Good times were had by all!

"It's not a too-mah....."

2009-02-19T22:26:00.005-05:00

Oh, but it IS a tumor!

That's right kids! Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, step right up and see this amazing freak of nature.... the 26 year old woman with a big ol' tumor in her uterus! Aaaaahhhhhh!!! (*children run away screaming*).

Here are the basics: I went the gyno on Tuesday, February 17th. All was going fine until she felt that my uterus was enlarged. The doc asked if I could come in the next morning for an ultrasound. I did, and they found a pretty large tumor in my uterus. And thus the devastation begins...........

I am still waiting for the official call from the doc after they examine my ultrasound pictures. But here seems to be the thoughts so far: it's a fibroid tumor. Which apparently is common in women ages 30-40 (not me) and also more common in black women (not me). So here I am a 26 year old woman who has never had any children, who could possibly have that dream ripped away from her.

I've always known that I wanted children. And to suddenly know that I may not physically be able to do that EVER in my life, feels just.... well, it's just SO UNFAIR!!!!! I know I sound like a whiny child... but it's NOT FAIR!!!! NOT FAIR AT ALL!!!!

More details later.....

"Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel..."

2009-01-19T15:01:00.007-05:00

So far all of my blog titles are products of Incubus lyrics. I love them.

Anyway..... many obstacles attempted to be tackled this past week. (yes, I like to make list. I am trying to be more organized in 2009).

1) Got my cat, Dexter, neutered! You have no idea how exciting this was for me. He had been spraying all over the house.... and it is the WORST possible smell you could ever imagine and really hard to get rid of. So, he's officially ball-less now (poor little guy) so yesterday I took everything I own to the laundro-mat. And I even had to throw some things away because even after washing them, they still stunk like cat pee! oh well.... EVERYTHING is clean now. And I mean EVERYTHING. I felt very accomplished.

2) I finally got rid of the clog in my bathroom sink. Sound like it's not a big deal... but trust me (And Anna knows exactly what I'm talking about), when you have lived with a clog for so long... it's so satisfying when it's finally gone!

3) Friday's are my weigh-in days. I lost 2 pounds last week! woo hoo! I didn't eat as healthy as I should have, and I didn't work out as much as I should have, but I still lost 2 pounds. It's a step in the right direction. I bought a new fancy digital scale... which somehow says I weigh 5 pounds more than my old one did.... very depressing. But I'm going to go with that. I'm still uncomfortable with telling everyone how much I weigh, but I'm hoping to get to the point soon where I can.

4) I re-decorated my bathroom. The best part of living alone.... you can decorate your bathroom in rainbow colored girlyness and people just have to deal with it, because it's MY bathroom! hee hee. See pictures below! yay! All on sale at Target!

On a side note: My boyfriend is amazing. We haven't been together that long, but it feels like we have. It's actually pretty crazy how close we are getting already... and how when I first met him I had a feeling about him. He's so sweet, caring, kind, funny, helpful, and not to mention... darn cute!!!

"Love Hurts, but it's a good hurt... and it feels like I'm alive.

2009-01-15T20:24:00.010-05:00

First blog... lots of pressure. So I decided to follow in the footsteps of my always creative BFF (whose blog is "Breaking up with Burgers") and title it with song lyrics. Besides, music always seems to express what I am feeling much more eloquently than I can.

Introductions (They will come in handy later):

BFF #1: Anna- a.k.a. Anna-Banana. Recently married (I was the maid-of-honor). We've known each other for like 13 years or something. We're "peas in an overly analytical pod".

BFF #2: Tonja- a.k.a. Tanja. We met at work and have worked together for about 3 years now. She is getting married in September (I'm the maid-of-honor at that one too). We are less "alike" but seem to compliment each other in the ways that we differ.

My sister: Sarah-a.k.a Puddy. She's really like a best friend too now that she's gotten older. She's almost 8 years younger than me. We are finally getting to act like sisters instead of the mother/daughter thing we had going on before that. She's the silliest, greatest kid I know!

The boyfriend: Alex- a.k.a "I can't believe I am lucky enough to have this guy!" I have been though some seriously bad guys.... and I mean SERIOUSLY BAD. Not that it was all their fault. I let them get to me. But this guy... he's so different. He's spectacular... which, of course, scared the crap out of me! (More on that later).

Me: a.k.a. Samantha (Sam). I'm 26, living in a one bedroom apartment with my 2 cats, Daisy and Dexter. Work my little office job (which really gets to me sometimes). I'm pretty random sometimes. I guess you could say I'm opinionated, but not overbearing. I tend to get worked up easily over things... but I just like to call it "passionate". I'm sure you'll figure that all out as we go along.

Reason for the blogging:
Really, I don't know. Because Anna has a blog? Because I read other people's on here all the time? Because I like to write? I have issues.... don't we all? However, I feel like I have reached that point where I finally want to stop complaining about it all and start fixing it.

~I want to get my finances sorted out (damn student loans and credit cards!).
~I want my house and life to become organized.
~I want to actually make a doctor's appointment and stop being so afraid of them.
~I want to lose the weight... finally! I did lose about 35 pounds last year, but it was a very sloooooow process and I'd still like to lose at least 60 more.

It just feels like it's time to start saving myself from.... well, from myself. I need to do it before things get too out of hand. I seem to have a self-destructive thing happening sometimes. And I know that nobody else can do the work for me.... I have to do it myself.

Well... that ought to get the ball rolling and set the stage. Hopefully I won't bore people (if people even read this). I post blogs sometimes on myspace, and they seem to at least get some laughs out of people.... so I'm hopeful.

Peace Out! (Yes, I say that a lot. But not in a "I'm trying to be cool" kinda way.... more in a "yes, I'm a nerdy white girl who thinks it's funny to say" kinda way.)