Same old story.... hopefully a different ending.

Back on the wagon once again. Hopefully (again) this time for real. Our wedding is in a little over 10 months. I HATE my weight and how I feel lately. I totally went overboard over the holidays. I weighed in on December 31, 2010 at an embarassing motivating 236 pounds. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS! I can't believe I let that happen. That's 24 pounds more than my lowest weight since I've had this blog.

Anyway... the fiance and I are very focused now. I am trying my best to keep myself in a good mind frame about all of this, stay positive, look at the big picture, etc.  I want to feel better. I want to like myself more. I want to love my wedding pictures and feel beautiful on my wedding day. I want to be able to enjoy my honeymoon and not be embarassed to go to the pool in my bathing suit.

I want to be healthy enough to have children and raise healthy children.

So... yeah, chugging along. 

Last week... first weigh-in of the new year, and I was down 4.2 pounds. Great way to start things off! And I've done far better this weekend than I think I have ever done any weekend in my life.

Maybe after so many attempts at this whole shenanigan I've finally learned my lesson? I know that I can't go all overboard and hardcore when it comes to weight loss. I can't be so strict on myself and not allow myself any wiggle room. I am going to eat bad things... that's all there is to it. I'm not a "clean" eater. I don't love all vegetables. I can't live without chocolate. It's just the way it is. But a bad thing here or there isn't going to be the end of the world anymore. Crap happens. But every day is a new day. As long as I get right back on track the next day, then in the end it'll all work out. I try to exercise 3 times a week. If I don't, then I don't.

I am one of those people... I get all gung-ho at the beginning and eat only 1400 calories a day and exercise 5 times a week and only eat healthy things. That last for about 3-4 weeks and then I fall off the wagon and fall HARD. So, in an effort to avoid repeating the same mistake for like the 3rd 100th time, I am going to take a different approach and accept that moderation is key here... and even small victories and small goals are still big achievements for this struggling girl.

I can do this.